Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Bugs, bugs, bugs for everyone!

I was born in Ontario, so I really do have some love for it, but I spent most of my life in Alberta. Now I am back in Ontario, and I gotta say.....what the heck am I doing here???? I totally do NOT belong here. Reasons:
  1. It is too HOT HOT HOT! I don't like ANY kind of heat, really. Dry, humid, hottub, whatever, it all makes me really bitchy. When hubby called home from the Afghanistan desert, I bitched and moaned to him about the heat in Alberta. Yes, I know how insensitive that was, while he was sitting in the 52 degree celcius heat in full uniform, but it was HOT damn it! But this Ontario heat...give me a break! I'm freakin' melting! I'm actually looking forward to going to work, because of all the wonderful, magical air conditioning there is at the store. And the temperature is never the temperature here. Back in Alberta, 32 degrees was 32 degrees, and that was bad enough. Here, they tell you it's 32 degrees...."but, it's about 45 degrees with the humidity, folks!" Arrggg.
  2. Speaking of weather, there's too much snow in the winter! Not that we didn't get a lot of snow back west, but it usually happens in big dumps. Then the whole city has to dig out their cars and try to drive to work before the roads are plowed and it turns into a big mess. But then that's it for a while. My 1st winter back in Ontario, it barely snowed at all before Christmas. I was laughing. We were apparently living in a high volume snow area at the time. The "Snow Belt" they called it. Ha. I saw no snow. Then the snow came. And came and came and came. It piled up and up and up. And it didn't stop. Ever. Not for the rest of the friggin' winter. Oh THAT snow belt. And what about those fun "thaw days" in the middle of winter, when you can go outside in a T-shirt and play in the snow? Humph. Not here. Oh, and that temperature thing here....it's not -15 degrees, it's "-34 degrees with the wind chill, folks!" Arrgggg.
  3. The BUGS!!! They're killin' me! I can't walk outside in the summer without saying, at least once, "What the hell is that?!" Speaking of which, I thank Pixi for letting me know what the mystery bug from my last post was. Turns out it was a cicada . Interesting little things, but I wouldn't want one flying into my head. Oh, and while researching just what the hell a cicada was, I came across Cicada Mania. Fun. They even sell T-shirts. Now, I was born in North Bay, Ontario. If you have ever been there at just the right time in the summer, you know what I am about to talk about. There is a horrible little useless bug that attacks that city every year. It's called the shadfly. It's disgusting. Basically, the eggs hatch on the lake, then they lay more eggs. Then they fly towards the pretty pretty city lights. They don't eat, they don't mate, they don't go for coffee. They stick....to EVERYTHING. They just stick to things for about a week, then they die. They die in big piles and heaps on the sidewalks, all over town. And then the town smells like fish. Dead, rotting fish. Doesn't that sound like fun? If you want to know more, some nutjob from my hometown actually has a website for them, www.shadfly.com . How can I not love all the scarey bugs in Ontario?
  4. It kinda smells. Not the people, they seem, mostly, well groomed. But the air, it has an odor to it. Not just the cities, either, but in the country, too. And ya know that really nice just-rained smell? Ya...not here. It smells worse after it rains. Sorry, Ontario, but you know it's true.
  5. Other reasons for belonging in Alberta rather than Ontario are, well, just personal preferences, really. I won't go into them, since this is not a political site and ya'll don't care that I can't find a cream supreme donut at ANY Ontario Tim Horton's (no, not the Boston cream, that has a custard filling, the cream supreme has a whip cream filling). And I'm sure the fact that I prefer Disneyland to Disneyworld doesn't interest anyone, even though I either have to settle for second favorite or go on a much much longer drive. It's the subtleties, you see.

I'm sure at this point ya'll are wondering what the bejeezers I'm doing in Ontario, anyway. Well, not in that exact phrasing, but something similar, maybe. My husband is military. So we go where they tell us to go. Home is just a posting away. PMQ sweet PMQ. And there really are some nice things here in Ontario. But I don't care. I'm an Albertan. I don't care that I was born in Ontario. I say "ya'll" now. So, I will make the best home of Ontario while I am here, and wait and see where they send us next. Maybe it will be Saskatchewan. Does anyone know if there are a lot of bugs in Sakatchewan?

2 Comments:

Blogger ladylinoleum said...

Well girlfriend as a native Southern Californian I totally don't "get" drastic weather changes. So, I sympathize. I am a weather weenie.

4:57 PM  
Blogger Jewels said...

I'm from Saskatchewan - it's a lot like Manitoba weather..no wierdass bugs, just regular mosquitos. None of that Ontario humidity kill me now though...I lived there for a couple years - their summers were killers.

10:29 PM  

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