Monday, December 12, 2005

Dear Santa,

I've been a very good girl this year. Well, mostly good. And most of the bad stuff is explainable. I suppose. But you're Santa. So you know.
I don't want a lot. Just a few things, really. I know you are busy, but if you could see your way to at least considering a few things from my list. For Christmas this year, I would like:

~Yarn. That's at the top for a reason. I need yarn. Need it. But you're Santa. So you know.

~Anything from Hickory Farms. I don't know why, but nobody ever gets me that. I love that stuff. Except the crackers. They always seem a little stale.

~Crackers from anywhere but Hickory Farms.

~For people to stop inventing stupid things that make no sense. Like a cordless electric can opener. It's so you can move around with it and put it in a drawer when not in use. Great idea. I've had a 'cordless' can opener for years. And it doesn't even need batteries. Oh, and have you heard about the new toothbrush with an on-board computer? Isn't that crazy? I mean, you live with elves and you probably haven't heard of something so nutty before. Not that there is anything wrong with elves. Is there?

~Tolerence for stupid inventions. And elves.

~The off button for my three year old. I know it's around somewhere, but I just can't find it.

~If you can't get me the off button, booze would be great.

~Money. Lots of it. Great big gobs of it.

~Not world peace. That would put my husband out of a job. So, maybe, almost world peace. Everybody can get along, except for the odd minor skirmish where nobody actually gets killed, just a black eye or two. But a big enough fight to require soldiers. In Disneyland, maybe. So the families can go with. And live in a big Disneyland tent city with random soldiers from all over the world and their families. And all the moms and kids can go on rides and shop on Main Street for cheap Mickey Mouse sweatshirts while the soldiers keep Donald from finally snapping and killing Goofy. Gosh, Santa, that would be great.

~Did I mention money?

~A maid. Full time. A live-in would be fine, but only if she is really really ugly. But efficient. And smells nice. And yes, she will need to do windows.

~Tim Horton's large coffee with 3 cream and 2 Sugar Twin. I know that it would require making a Tim Horton's actually stay open on Christmas day, but is that really so much to ask? Gas stations stay open. Even movie theaters. Why not the one place in Canada that sells the coffee/crack we all need so desperately? Are we really supposed to sit calmly through squealing kids and wrapping paper messes and relatives and under/overcooked turkey and piles and piles of dishes and way WAY too much chaos without a Tim Horton's coffee? WHAT KIND OF A CRUEL AND TWISTED WORLD DO WE LIVE IN?
Oh, and a steeped tea for my husband. He takes it with cream.

~The Ghostbusters to come to my house. But maybe not on Christmas day. There's too much going on then. Do they have gift certificates? That would be OK.

~A sea lion. I always wanted a sea lion. They are so cute. The way they balance things on their cute little fishy smelling faces.

~Don't get me a sea lion.

~An extra 2 hours per day with which to play on the computer completely guilt free.

~A Corvette. Please? I really want a Corvette.

~Maybe a bit more yarn. Or better yet.....get me a sheep. She can help keep the yard mowed, and I will have an endless supply of wool. Seriously. I want a sheep. I would call her Yarn.

You see, Santa, I don't really want a lot. It's not like I am asking for completely impossible things, like my 11 year old to stop acting like she's almost a teenager, or my husband to buy me flowers, or my Mom to stop guilt tripping me for taking her grandbabies far away, or the ability to play the violin.
So, please? Could you get to work on a few of those things? That would be great, thanks.

Yours Truly,

P.S. Say hi to the elves, those cute little buggers.

My daughter is adding her letter. She's only 3, so she can't write yet, so she is just sending you a picture.

Personally, I find her list to be totally unreasonable, and she really hasn't been all that good. You should concentrate on my list, more.


Blogger Your Mother said...

That was a great list! I want the ability to stare at people until they explode. That would satisfy me all year long!

PS - Michele sent me.

2:49 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi I'm here from Michele's! What a great list, It's given me a good case of the giggles!

3:34 p.m.  
Blogger noricum said...

Tee hee!

4:45 p.m.  
Blogger HRH Courtney, Queen of Everything said...

Quite a list...
Thanks for coming by earlier.

4:47 p.m.  
Blogger utenzi said...

I want to hear the explanations for your being bad, Tara. I think I'll put that on my list for Santa. No doubt he'll like reading it also...

5:08 p.m.  
Blogger *Crochet Mom* said...

ryn: it's here:
I altered it a bit though by adding another row of white to the back it would fit better around the door knob. but it's something you can play around with alot :)
Have you made one of these? (cradle purse)
I made that yesterday for my almost 3 year old - took only a few hours on and off. (a friend of mine had one when we were kids and i was always in awwwww over it! so was THIRLLED to find a pattern online for it!)

9:48 p.m.  
Blogger Jana said...

tara, not to make you feel bad (well envious is ok) the tim's in my dad's town is open 24/7/365 becuause of the truckers...........i will have one for you:P

7:47 p.m.  

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