Wednesday, December 21, 2005

A Tragic Play, by Tara

TARA ~ charming and witty housewife and mother that loves yarn and coffee
HUBBY ~ husband of Tara, normally loving and kind
Snuggled up on the couch in Tara's living room, late evening in mid-December, watching TV.
TARA (to Hubby): Whatcha getting me for Christmas?
HUBBY: I don't know, what do you want?
TARA: Whatever. I'm easy.
(Hubby snorts indelicately)
HUBBY: Well, give me some ideas.
TARA: Oh, ya know. Anything for the kitchen, or books and stuff. Or, you could always get me yarn.
HUBBY: I'm not getting you yarn for Christmas.
TARA: Why not? You know how happy I am when someone gets me yarn.
HUBBY: I'm not getting you yarn.
TARA: Why not?
HUBBY: Because I HATE yarn!
(Tara gasps and sputters and wonders where to find a good divorce lawyer in this town).
Curtain Down.
I hate to tell you, friends, but that is a true story. I'm still in a bit of shock. You would be too, if you heard how he said it. It wasn't a casual comment, like "I hate when they run out of frosted cinnamon rolls at Tim Horton's". No, this comment was venomous. Filled with rage and hate. As if I took the most horrible people ever created (I'm thinking Hitler, Osama and Celine Dion) and rolled them into one person (Hilamaline? Celosaler? Oshitline?). THAT kind of hate.
At first, I was just so surprised. Where did this passionate hate come from? How long has it been festering? Am I going to need to sneak yarn into the house? Crochet and knit clandestinely?
Then the hamster started running in it's wheel. Using all the psychology I ever learned from Frasier Crane, I wondered if this was some kind of transference. Was it something about ME??? Does he hate me?
But, no. I can be rational (occasionally. Shut up. I can). He doesn't hate me. He hates yarn. And that hurts. But I get it. It IS everywhere in this house. Half finished projects on every surface, and even a few in the car. Bins and boxes full of random yarns that don't yet have a project, but wait patiently for just the right one. Little cut off loose ends and leftover bits of fringes and pom-poms ( oh, sure, like you never made a pom-pom).

HUBBY (seeing look of anquish and heartbreak on Tara's face): But I love YOU!
TARA (Now sitting on the opposite end of the couch): Shut up, yarn-hater.
HUBBY: Am I ever going to live this down?
TARA: No. It's going on your tombstone. "Loving husband and father, hated yarn."
HUBBY: You mean years from now, right?
TARA: No, I mean after the horrible accident where you get strangled to death by some stray yarn.
So, I get it. But that doesn't mean I can't forever bug him about it. And Santa is totally putting yarn in his stocking this year.


Blogger utenzi said...

He hates the yarn because the time you spend with the yarn is time that you're not spending with him. I don't blame him a bit either. On a close but slightly different note, your husband could also be feeling a bit of a competitive situation where you love both him and knitting thus he hates the yarn.

7:40 a.m.  
Blogger sara said...

Hmmm. Good thoughts from utenzi. Kind of like how men get slightly jealous of the new baby.

Ok. You encouraged me to join blogexplosion so I know encourage you to try cables. Trust me, if I can manage them, they arent that hard...

9:17 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your not alone. My husband hates my yarn! I brought in a new container the other day for my yarn and he had a fit. Not only does he hate my yarn, but he hates for me to be working on a project when he's trying to snuggle. I have given up on working on a project when he is home so I started to take my yarn with me to work.

9:32 a.m.  
Blogger Jewels said...

oh man,...tragic -- yes, funny - way yes!!

9:03 p.m.  
Blogger Stephknits3 said...

I'm in the same boat! All my yarn is stashed away in plastic bins in the garage. Out of the house. Out of sight.

Make sure to get some really bright (maybe neon) colored fun fur type yarn or maybe some 100% wool to further aggravate his itch! :)

9:57 p.m.  
Blogger Vanessa said...

I agree with everyone above - he's most likely jealous of the yarn. But still... hate? yarn? HATE? YARN? I cannot comprehend it.

Also, Hilamaline... hilarious!

10:49 p.m.  
Blogger Tracey said...

Wait until he finds out that all of your yarn-loving friends now know he's a yarn-hater. He's in trouble now!

2:38 a.m.  
Blogger Sally said...

Wow. Very close to a conversation I had with my husband when he asked what *I* wanted for Christmas. Although, I must say, he stopped at "I am NOT buying yarn."

11:09 a.m.  
Blogger Rebecca said...

hmmm - i agree... tad bit of jealousy there. after all, he does have to sit and watch you fondle yarn when he's oh-so-close....
perhaps, you can mend his ego - a willywarmer maybe? he he hee
then you can fondle (ahem) both

(okay, that's bad - feel free to edit)

2:12 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aw bless him he's jealous of your love of the yarn!!

3:23 p.m.  
Blogger none said...

Oh, this is very funny. I love the idea of giving him yarn in his stocking... I usually tell my hubby that he better shut up before he says something he will regret, especially since my hooks/needles could easily be weapons, lol. Nobody wants to get poked in the arse with a giant knitting needle....

8:11 p.m.  
Blogger none said...

Oh...and I found out that if I buy my dh video games, it makes up for any yarn purchases and he can play stupid games while I crochet or knit.

8:11 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Tara, followed a link here from monster sympathies are with you. Does hubby have a hobby/passion that you can buy him things for? Nothing says, 'A-HA!' like a little guilt. ;)

12:06 p.m.  
Blogger misskitty27526 said...

Guess What I got YARN FOR CHRISTMAS. And card with money in it. So more YARN..YEAH


8:24 p.m.  

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