Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Great Debate

Friends, fellow bloggers. The time has come. I have to do it. I know. I KNOW. There are important things going on in the world. War. Famine. Earthquakes and hurricanes. Tim Horton's is raising their coffee prices. I know.

But this is important, too. And a discussion that is LONG past due.

What's your favorite CSI? The original, Miami or New York?

Yes, this includes all you people that say you never watch TV. Ya'll know we don't beleive you, right? Fine, so it's mostly CNN and Discovery that you watch. But you flip. We know. And sometimes you stop on CSI. And then tell everyone at the office the next day that you don't watch that stuff. You'd rather watch (ick) Survivor. TV snobs don't fool me.

I'm not here to discuss all the factual errors in these shows. Yes, we all know it takes longer than that to process DNA or fingerprints. And yes, we know that it's the police that interrogate, not the CSIs. And YES, we have noticed that just about every single plotline was stolen from episodes of Quincy, ME.

But, for what it's worth, here's my take on the CSI triplets.

CSI (the original in Las Vegas)

Of the three, this is my personal favorite. But I like originals. For instance, I much prefer Disneyland to Disneyworld. I've also been to Las Vegas. I would love to see NY, but have no real desire to ever go to Miami. (Perhaps becuase of the show, but we'll get to that later).
For one, I like the characters better. They are more real. They have flaws. And I hate some of those flaws.

Like Catherine Willows.....is it just me, or did she turn really trailer trashy and bitchy the past few seasons? Sleeping with suspects? Never taking care of her own daughter? She has turned into that couger at the end of the bar that's pretty, but ooooozing desperation.

Sara Sidle is also rather bitchy. Apparently that stems from anger due to witnessing her parents kill each other, or something like that. Boo hoo. That's no reason to be rude, is it? Well, ok, fine. So maybe her mom wasn't around to teach her manners. But seriously, Sara. Turn down the intensity. Also, while I like Gil Grissom, he's WAY too old and into dead bodies for a young girl like you. Move on. I think Greg likes you.

And, as much as it's already been discussed all over the internet.....Nick Stokes. Dude. The moustache? What? What the hell was that? Oh, it's gone now? Great. So then what about the hair?!? You know that's all anyone will remember your career for, now, don't you? The bad moustache and cheesey hairdo. I'm sorry, but you should have consulted me first.

Gil Grissom is up there on my list of fav characters. He's just the right blend of creepy and neurotic, and cute and cuddly. Wouldn't he be fun at a dinner party? Just don't say anything stupid, or he'll give you that "I'm very dissapointed in you," stare. And then talk about the bugs.

My favorite LV dude is Greg Sanders. How adorable is he? And very human. Makes a LOT of mistakes. And he's not so creepy.

Overall, I like this show best because they all seem so much more real. Ok, so not totally real. But more than the CSI:Miami folks.


Oh my. Where do I even start.

I hate this version. HATE. H.A.T.E. Hate it.

But I still watch it. I really don't know why.

Let's dissect it from the head down....or is this starting from the ass up? Horatio Caine. Do people seriously think he's a good actor? What? Are you watching with your eyes closed? And your ears plugged? And while recently deceased? He's horrible! He has one look, one line with different variations ("Here's what we're going to do","This is what I think","I'll tell you what's going to happen"), one stupid move with his sunglasses. But, all that aside, here's my real problem with 'H'. HE'S NOT A DAMN HERO. He thinks he's responsible for everyone in Miami! And he's not very good at it, since they often get killed.
The episode that kicked the dead horse was number 307 'Crime Wave' from season three. There was a lot going on. You can read the summary if you really want to. This is my take on it. At one point, it's discovered that someone has been kidnapped and stashed in the underground parking of a very large resort hotel that has been schedualed for demolition. 'H' is standing outside of his SUV on one side of a bridge, the hotel being way over on the other side. Eric Delko says to him "'H', you've got twenty seconds," or something like that. But basically, he has twenty seconds. So, Horatio the Hero gets back in his SUV, drives across the bridge, through the parking lot, and into the parking garage. At this point, he has no idea where the victim is, but he drives through looking. There are probably a hundred support columns, but good ole 'H' finds just the right one without even breaking a sweat. Then he gets out of the SUV, breaks the duct tape wrapped around this guy (with his bare hands, no less) and they get back into the SUV. Then, as they are driving out of the garage, there are a series of explosions, one after the other, right behind the SUV and catching up, fast. But, phew, they make it out of the hotel and across the bridge to safety just in time. ALL IN TWENTY SECONDS! What? Time yourself for twenty seconds. I bet you can't even get yourself a fresh coffee in that time.

Also, I hate Calleigh Duquesne. She gives me temporary tourettes syndrome whenever I see her. I just start yelling and swearing at the screen. What a stuck up, know-it-all bitch. Isn't she? Boys? Did you hear me? Or are you too busy thinking about her ass in those super tight dress pants she wears? Because you know she'd be super high maintenance, right. There is no WAY you could be perfect enough for her. And last night, she made me swear again. They were discussing some suspects that were taking a film course. She said something along the lines of "Film Studies? So they watch movies? And I just went to university and got a [masters and PHD in everything] (I can't remember exact degrees, but very pretentious). What was I thinking?" All in her stupid fake southern accent. What a whore.

I also need to mention Alexx Woods. She scares me. Please, if I die, don't let her near me. Petting my hair and calling me 'Baby Doll' and asking me questions about my death as if I'm about to sit up and answer her. Is that what she sees? Dead bodies talking to her? Because that might not be the best quality in a medical examiner. I mean sure, occasionally Quincy said a few words, but at least he didn't fondle the bodies and give them nicknames.

And can I just ask....is Miami really all about nightclubs and drug dealers? Because I really don't want to visit if that is the case.


While I don't like this version as much as LV, I don't hate it as much as Miami. And that says a lot. My biggest beef with this one is that I guess who done it way too early. It's too predictable. And NY has been done to death. Leave it to Law and Order.

The characters are not too bad, but they don't mesh all that well. They always seem to pair up with the same people and never run into each other much at the lab.

I think Danny Messer is way too angry and wrapped up in his past. And rude, too. He should give Sara Sidle a jingle. They'd get on well together, I think.

The rest of it is rather unremarkable. But I still watch it. Don't judge.

So, that's it. My opinions on CSI. Fascinating, I know. And I'm sure ya'll have your own opinions. So go ahead. Opine. I'm dying to hear. (get it? Dying. That was a pun. Because CSI is all about dead people. It was funny. Shut up. Yes it was.)

And, since you're obviously into reading great blogs, click on the thumbnail in my sidebar to go visit my tenant, Stephanie at Mystickal Inscense. After you're done here, of course.


Blogger LinknKnits said...

What a great breakdown of the CSI family. I know you will not believe this... but I don't watch tv. We don't have cable and get no local channels. But back in the good ol' days when I did watch the boob tube, both the hubby and I like the original CSI. I have never seen the two spin-offs, but will take your word that they don't live up to par!

8:56 a.m.  
Blogger Becky in Iowa :O) said...

I love the original CSI. I think Gil is hot! Ok enough of the school girl hormones here. hehe I've only gotten to see NY once. I don't get CBS at my house. I love Gary Sinise though.

I too hate the Miami version. I just can't stand David Caruso. I hated him on NYPDBlue. They need to send him over to LV and drop him off a casino. That way Gil can say, "Who cares who killed him. They deserve a medal." hehe

9:25 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The thing that gets me is no matter which one you watch, the characters seem the same to me. I like the original CSI, but it seems like they can't come up with an original story line. The new shows that I have seen feel like a show that has new characters but same plot/

9:34 a.m.  
Blogger *Crochet Mom* said...

i like Miami best...so does my husband..why?
because we mae a game out of it..
lets see how many times Horatio can take off/put on his glasses in a show!
I tell ya, if we were drinkers it would be a DAMN good drinking game! LMAO

I like New Your for Lt Dan (hehehe from Forrest Gump) and that's the ONLY reason.
I find it a VERY dark show even thought they tried to make improvemnts this year (can you tell i am married to someone in the TV industry!?) LOL

The orginal..yes, the godfather of all CSI's...I rather enjoy that one too but it's getting a little old..they need to liven it up a bit with the cast.

10:02 a.m.  
Blogger utenzi said...

I think your view on the CSI shows is the normal, Tara. I however have an upside down view of them. I saw the first episode of the original and hated every single bloody actor on the show. Especially that dorky lead guy. I have no Earthly idea why but just seeing the guy makes me annoyed. Nothing to do with the show itself, I just don't like the actors on it.

I do like the Miami show though all your criticisms of it are quite on-target. I can't explain it since I admit it doesn't make sense--but like it, I do.

The NY one is okay but I only watch it a few times a season.

Good review, Tara. I like your analysis.

10:26 a.m.  
Blogger noricum said...

I agree with you... although I don't tend to watch any of them, LV is the best of the three, and Horatio is a *really* bad actor.

12:16 p.m.  
Blogger beth said...

You know, the original used to be my absolute favorite. But Catherine has turned into a trashy whore, Nick has waaay too much angst now (and really, you're so right about the hair), and Sara. Well, she's just Sara. I really only watch it anymore for Grissom. Mmm...Grissom. :) And oh yeah, Warrick. Is it me, or are they just doing nothing with his character these days? And, well just to finish them out, Greg - you know, I thought he was more fun when he was in the lab.

Miami. I actually really like Miami - but probably only because it's just so awful. It's like a parody of itself and that makes it fun (to me). Though I do wish they'd hurry up and just deal with the whole "mole in the department" thing and be done. We get the idea already, please tell me this isn't the best you could come up with for a season-long "suspense plot". If it is, then well, they need to can the series. On an aside - I agree completely that Alex is not allowed near me when I'm dead. If for no other reason than her teeth.

NY is probably my favorite, honestly. Even if NY is overdone and so forth - with the occasional exception of Criminal Intent, I can't abide Law and Order, so this is pretty much my only NY-based show. Maybe that helps. But I love love love Mac. Anything Gary is in, I will watch. He's just such an awesome actor. I am very glad they got rid of the dark haired girl. Not sure about the newbie, but we'll see.

Anyway - after this incredibly long first comment, my lineup would be NY, LV, Miami. (And was I the only one that kinda hoped that last year after they did the episodes in LA that they would start a new one in Cali?)

12:50 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LoL! Love your take on the shows! (I'm still laughing! Temporary tourettes? Too funny!) I really don't watch CSI regularly. I mostly watch reality tv with my daughter. My taste in tv shows has definitely gone down hill as I've gotten older or I've only noticed because I know better. But if I had to choose, the original CSI is definitley the best. I don't care for CSI Miami cuz I can't stand David Caruso. All he ever said in NYPD Blues was, "Are you okay with that?" And now he has another bonehead catch phrase. Poo. And CSI NY doesn't interest me. As you said, NY's been done, let's see something new.

2:49 p.m.  
Blogger Jana said...

thanks for the csi tutorial tara:) you may not like me very much after reading this, but i prefer the miami. dont ask me why.........however...i like marg helgenburger's character from Las vegas the best. gary sinise from the NY gives me the heebie jeebies for some reason. not Gary Oldham jeebies, but close.

4:34 p.m.  
Blogger Tiffany said...

CSI, the original, was my favorite before I moved to Las Vegas and then I couldn't even watch the others. I love watching the scenes of the strip because I know when it was shot by the progress on the new casinos, I recognize street names, etc.

I love the characters, particularly Grissom and Warrick, and my interest in the episodes goes in waves. Right now I'm watching it religiously but eventually I taper out and tape the episodes until I'm in the mood for death again.

Your analysis of all three shows is great and I definitely agree with you about the watchability order.

6:12 p.m.  
Blogger Valbee said...

I can only comment on one of them and that's Miami. I never got into the original because I was never able to watch it on Thursday nights. I briefly thought about trying to watch the NY version, but thanks to Miami completely pissing me off, I decided I was never giving any of the CSI shows a chance again.

First of all, I need to giggle at your hatred of Calleigh. She's the whole reason I started watching in the first place, because I loved Emily Proctor on The West Wing (which is the ONLY show I will watch on TV now - and since it's been canceled, I'll be renting lots of movies). But I do have to point out that her accent isn't fake. Well, the Louisiana part might be fake... but Proctor was born and raised in NC and I've never seen her in anything without a southern accent. :)

Now... as to why I will never watch again... predictability and cheesiness. I, like many others, cannot stand David Caruso's acting and Horatio's character repeatedly made me cringe. Remember the episode that sent him to NYC where we were first introduced to Mac Taylor? The one where the young girl's parents were killed by mistake and Horatio told her that when she saw him again, she'd know she was safe? Ok, the end of that episode where he shows up at the funeral and just raises his hand when she looks at him... puh-leeze... so stupid and cheesy.

But... the main reason I hate it is for when they killed off Speedle. All week long, it was hyped... "CSI Loses One of its Own." Not reading any spoilers in advance, I went into the episode with no real clue who was leaving. Except that the scripted dialog made it quite clear who was going to be offed minutes before it happened. Call me crazy, but I like to be caught off guard in these situations... not have it blown by the writers themselves!

ARGH! I was so mad... I haven't watched it since.

(sorry this was so long!)

6:13 p.m.  
Blogger Vanessa said...

I don't watch any of them with any sort of regularity but I would guess that the one I've seen most often is Miami. "H" bugs the hell out of me "Gentlemen, thats for ME to find out" ARGH! Drives me nuts - and I never thought of it, but making the taking pff/putting on of the glasses would be a GREAT drinking game.
My favorite part of Miami? Eric Delko! He's nice to watch. I used to have a bit of a crush on Speedle until the bastards killed him off.

10:36 p.m.  
Blogger Jana said...

oh my god, i was just lurking your bordello, i mean blog and i was about to click on a sidebar item when i saw something that made me go blind. "tim hortons is raising its coffee prices" stop spreading blasphemy tara!!!! stop................say it aint so?

4:54 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love them all. Ok the first is my fav.,but they all allow me to sit on my butt and crochet while watching something kind of interesting. Same with Law and Order good crocheting time. You just crack me up. Check in everyday. If you wrote a book would buy it. Seriously. mimi mittens

7:34 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just returned from a business trip to Miami and, yes, Miami is really all about nightclubs and drug dealers. Such fun, though!

Miami CSI is our favorite, probably because of the endless yell-at-the-screen opportunities. The characters are shallow and annoying, the acting is horrendous and the plotlines are beyond predictable. To make matters worse, now they've got H schtupping Delko's dying sister. You know the episode where she dies in H's arms is going to be Emmy-reel-worthy over-the-top bad. David Caruso has got to be the worst actor on the planet.

We never miss an episode.

1:14 p.m.  
Blogger Lucky-chan said...

I like CSI: Miami best. And I DON'T HATE CSI! For those who hate CSI, I don't care. My friends LOVE ALL the CSIs and even me. I don't even hate a thing about the shows.
And the characters are okay and they're are not "bitchy"!

6:39 p.m.  

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