Friday, March 31, 2006


There are a lot of things in life that let us know that the seasons are changing. We don't need a calendar to tell us. Unless you're in Antarctica. Or maybe Australia. Don't they do it backwards there? Whatever.

Point is, I can tell it's spring. I mean really spring. And there is a very specific reason why I can tell it's spring.

It could be the smothering mountains of snow melting enough to reveal all of the crap that's been missing on the sidewalks and in the gutters all winter. Or, it could be the idiots that wear shorts and tank tops the SECOND the temperature rises above freezing (I'm on celcius here, folks, so that's about +1). It could be the Canada geese that fly back home, honking and yelling and shitting everywhere. It could even be all of the Easter paraphenelia choking up the aisles of every Walmart and Walmart-wanna-be store. Or the kids that HAVE to take their bikes out on the roads before all of the snow is melted, spraying muddy slush on everyone they pass.

It could be any of those things that signal spring to me. It could be.

But I don't get out much. So it's not.

For me, it's the spiders. The big-ass, hairy, scary, fanged, evil spiders. They went on their little winter vacations, drank some mojitos and soaked up some sun, but now they are back. It's back to the grindstone for these little buggers. They need to get off their creepy little behinds and get back to work.

Their work, of course, being to SCARE THE BEJEEZERS OUT OF ME!

Because we all know that that's the only reason they are here. To hide around corners and under dish towels and in my shoes. And I know (KNOW) that they all sit and stare at me when I'm sleeping. They probably hold staff meetings on the bed.

I'm not letting them win this time. I'm not just gonna sit around and wait for them to get me. GET ME. And they are planning it. I know they are. It's all very Wile E. Coyote-like, with crazy blueprints and Acme machines and maniacal chuckling. No, I haven't seen or heard anything. They're sneaky. But I know what they're doing.

I'm going out to Walmart tonight, and passing right by all the Easter chocolate (except maye the Whopper eggs, I love those) and going to the spider killer section. What? Your Walmart doesn't have a spider killer section?

Too bad for you. Better sleep with one eye open.

Happy spring!


Blogger LinknKnits said...

Yesterday it was 65 degrees in Michigan for the first time this year. As I drove by campus, I saw three girls in tank tops. Tank tops!! Pretty soon the flip flops and shorts will be out... probably when it hits 68 or so...

And spiders are evil.

8:41 a.m.  
Blogger Megan said...

Eww, spiders. We used to have piles of them that loved to make their homes in the corners of my brand-new house. They haven't been around for a while - maybe they moved to your house!

Hi - I'm here from Michele's today. Happy weekend!

9:51 a.m.  
Blogger *Crochet Mom* said...

*cringes* i have already killed one...with the swiffer wet jet...why with that you ask? i have VERY high slanted ceilings and the only thing that would reach up there, with a FLAT surface to KILL the bugger is that. I would have waited untill Paul was here to do it but it was 6 am and it was OVER MY DAMN BED!!! *cries*
i have to go get me some more spider spray!

10:15 a.m.  
Blogger Unknown said...

"laughs" my daughter is one of those girls wearing flip flops and skirt and tank top. It is beautiful out today though.

10:25 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They plot against you too? Oh thank god it's not just me. I feel so less... alone in the world now!

My late husband used to dutifully kill them for me. He was a good man. The Boyfriend, on the other hand, keeps hoping that one of them might be radioactive so he can get bitten and become Spiderman. So, he doesn't dare touch them.


I just keep reminding myself, "The spiders are eating other bugs. The spiders are eating other bugs." And that's ok... but why can't they eat the centipedes????

10:26 a.m.  
Blogger sara said...

shudder. the spider pic really woke me up!

Um, it was 80 some degrees in Alabama yesterday. We have about 10 minutes of Spring and then jump right into stifiling summer.

11:21 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha, people here don't even dress for rain or cold so spring just means even more bellies and tank tops. Sheesh! I grew up in New York so always dress appropriately for the weather but Californians don't seem to worry about such things. :)

Ugh! Spiders. Blech! When it gets really hot here the super tanker sized spiders come in the house. You don't even want to squash them, they're that big! What do I do when I see one? Scream and run, of course. When I've calmed down, I usually kill them with hairspray, then sweep them up and throw them away. :)

11:24 a.m.  
Blogger Erin M said...

and THAT is why I am so overjoyed that DH works for a pest control company

12:57 p.m.  
Blogger Jana said...

yep, here on the west coast the spider situation is at "defcon 4" ( did you see wargames? great 80's movie!) anywho, my cat has enjoyed eating them, but i hate how they run out from under the couch. i have a massive spider phobia.

4:21 p.m.  
Blogger Master Enigma said...

such pleasant easy to read writing. I was smiling a lot as I read your last few posts.

I am famous as a world class spider catcher. I snatch them up and carry them outside and tell them to eath moths and flys.

they listen to me.

I wish you well.

5:00 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:22 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've heard from a friend that we EAT, on average, 8 spiders in our lifetime. They must just crawl right in open mouths.


I hate spiders. Absolutely hate them. But, if I have one inside I catch it in a box and put it outside. I just can't kill them. My cats, on the other hand...they LOVE spiders. They love to torture them. So I have to be fast if I'm going to set them free!

Coming home after dark is torture because no matter how many times you sweep away the webs, they're back the next day...right over the door...hanging there and taunting you as you try to figure out how to get inside without them falling on your head or down your shirt.

I've got the heebie jeebies now!!!

8:25 p.m.  
Blogger Stephknits3 said...

Spiders are definitely icky! I have also passed my fear onto my kidlings so it makes things quite interesting in the spring time. We don't like bees either....

11:57 p.m.  
Blogger Jaye said...

"They probably hold staff meetings on the bed."

LOL! I'm with you on this one, I detest the suckers with a passion that beats all.

Happy Spring! :)

11:34 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like spiders. They kill mosquitos. I'm allergic to mosquito saliva. I rescue all spiders I find in the house and put them outside around windows and doors.

Mosquitos are evil. We've had some here in Iowa that carry the West Nile. The first day I moved here, I got bitten 32 times! I've learned to cover myself with Deepwood Off, but I hate going around looking all oily.

6:56 p.m.  
Blogger Lucy said...

Hey Tara....that's the funniest blog on the "WEB"!!!! LoL

11:34 p.m.  
Blogger fledchen said...

I celebrate the return of spring by buying ant poison.

9:15 p.m.  

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