Monday, March 27, 2006

What's Worse Than Having the Flu?

Nope. It's not a kid with the flu. It's a MAN with the flu. I know. Streotype. I know. But stereotypes are there for a reason.

My husband's father and stepmom came over on Saturady to visit for the night. It was fun. We had pulled pork sandwiches and the boys drank a lot of beer and wine. Eventually we all went to bed.
I was startled awake by the sound of retching at about 2:30AM. My first thought was that it was the wine that made him sick. But it just kept going. And going.

I know. Too much info. But you have to realize, this is one of the nastiest flus I've had in 30 years. And I've had some doozies. So I sympathized with him. It really, really sucks. And, being the loving wife that I am, I vowed to take care of him.

Not that I was taken care of when I was sick on Wednesday. No, I had to suffer alone, in bed, all day. The little one was running wild through the house on her own, since I was unable to even yell at her to leave the cat alone, dammit. She foraged in the pantry for food and managed to sustain herself with Care Bear fruit snacks and Hershey's kisses. By noon, I realized that I needed to get a handle on her, before she started a bonfire in the living room to dance nekkid around while chanting curses and incantations that would bring about my slow and painful doom.

That is, if she hasn't already.

So, I did something I have NEVER had to do before. Afterall, a mother can handle the flu AND the kids. I called for help. I called hubby's cellphone, to ask (BEG) him to come home from work and take care of me. I was heartbroken to hear my coat pocket ring, where the phone had been left the day before.

(Actually, it doesn't ring. It plays the song "My Humps" by The Black Eyed Peas)

So, needless to say, I felt much pity for my husband when the same ailment brought him to his knees on the bathroom floor on Saturday night.

Until he came back to bed, that is.

"Oooooohhh.....Aaahhhh.......ugh....cough, cough.......AAAHHHH.......uuuuurgg......gurgle gurgle gurgle.....oooOOOOOOhhh, it huuuurrrrts..........mmmmmm......oooooOOOhhhhh.......SOB......whine, moan, bitch, complain. etc etc etc......."


What the Hell!?!?!

I love him and all, but I just about smothered him with a pillow. Just to put us BOTH out of our misery.

I finally got up at 6 AM (on a SUNDAY MORNING) and threw my 'no more coffee' rule out the damn window. I love you, Folgers.


Blogger sara said...

poor thing! You that is. And then for him to ruin your whole coffee fast. That rat!!

12:04 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I love that Ford story! The Escape is my first Ford ever. My family always bought Chevys too: a Bel-Air, Nova, Chevelle Malibu, etc. I never thougt much about Fords but they had a hybrid and have always made descent trucks.

I can't handle man-barf whatsoever. Once my hubby and I went out for a Valentines Day dinner. The restaurant served dinner for two on one plate and we shared everything. Very romantic. We had wine and looked lovingly into each others eyes, etc. We got home and started watching tv. I snoozed a little and when I woke up my husband said, in the most pathetic voice, Sue, I'm sick, I've been sick for the past hour. And, as to prove his point, got up, went to the bathroom and started wretching again. Ewww! My only thoughts were, I don't want to have anything to do with man-barf and I hope I don't get that. Turns out he's allergic to cavier. But I said, I'm sorry for you but I can't do anything to help you, Goodnight. And went to bed.
I love the guy, but when it comes to puke, he's on his own! haha

12:06 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Coffee's too good to have a ban on anyway. Hope everyone feels better soon.

1:00 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The last time I had the flu my 5 year old taught my 3 year old how to "paint beautiful things". My couch will never be the same again.

Hope your hubby feels better soon.

2:27 p.m.  
Blogger Lucy said...

Hey, we had pulled beef sandwiches on sunday....but no one was "pulled" to their knees worshiping the porcelain god...thank goodness!

3:59 p.m.  
Blogger Jana said...

mine is the same way. he was going on and on and on and on about his sinusitus pain last week. i realize its painful, but i pushed out a baby for crying out loud. can you imagine if men gave birth? goodl lord!:)

4:17 p.m.  
Blogger Rachel said...

I know how that goes. My husband is a big baby when he gets sick too. I hope everyone is healthy in your house now. I am not suppose to drink coffee at all but I just love it so much!

7:56 a.m.  
Blogger Unknown said...

Hubbbies can be worse then the kids.

11:04 a.m.  
Blogger beth said...

Men are definitely worse at being sick than any other creature known to - well - man. (Or woman.) When my hubby is sick, I'm always thankful we have 2 spare rooms. :)

Hope the house gets healthy fast!

1:54 p.m.  

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