Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Fans


I am not a fan of fans. Any kind of fan. Electric, ceiling, bathroom, Toronto Maple Leafs (oops, sorry), ANY kind.

Sure. It's Ontario in the summer. It's hot. And stuffy. And we don't have air conditioning (I'm too cheap). So, the fans are a nessecity. But, I hate them.

Now, if you promise not to laugh, I'll tell you why.

I think I was killed by a fan in a past life. I can't stand the sound of them. Not even the little fans in the bathroom. Although, I'm pretty sure it wasn't one of THOSE that killed former me. But I can't handle the sound of them. It's like nails on a chalkboard for me. No. It's worse than that. It's like a hundred mosquitos buzzing in my ears. It's like a thousand whiny voiced teenage girls blabbering at me through the Tim Horton's drive thru speaker. It's like a million kids with braces chewing on tin foil.

And I have to SLEEP with fans on. I wouldn't, if not for my husband. Who was quite obviously NOT killed by a fan in a past life. Because he likes them. And wants them on. ALL NIGHT. Maybe he invented them in a past life. Or invested in them. Whatever. They still need to be turned on.

So I can dream of all the horrible ways I may have died by fan. It must have been a fairly recent past life, since I don't think electric fans were invented very much before electricty. Maybe it was a short life. Whatever. I really, really try to ignore them. But, as soon as he leaves for work early in the morning, I get up and turn it off.

And forget about the ceiling fans in our bedroom. I put my foot down on those. They are NOT to be running when we are sleeping. Because every once in a while they make a little clicking sound. At which point I get visions of the ugly little brass pull chain (and why can't they make pretty little chain pulls for those? Why are they always ugly crystal teddy bears or unicorns or horrible wood and brass teardrop contraptions?) getting caught in the blades and tearing the whole fan apart, throwing fan blades in every direction but most certainly into my head.


Did I just hear a snicker? This isn't funny, people. I have issues. And it's not like the issues will lessen with age. I think some would call me quirky (which is ever so much sweeter than crazy as a loon). So stop laughing. Or I won't tell you about my next quirk. Check your watch. It's coming soon.

I'm going to get a coffee.

9 Comments:

Blogger Lucy said...

I think you got a good idea for the next Stephen King Horror Movie....THE ATTACK OF THE 50 ft FAN! How bout the fans that you hold in your hand and you can squirt water out at the same time? Any issues with that.....do I sound like a psychologist or what?

11:36 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

Ack! I don't like fans blowing at night either. The sound of AC blasting in a car is annoying too. As soon as the car cools off, I don't want hear that noise!

11:41 AM  
Blogger Fadrah said...

Coffee? did somebody say coffee? As soon as I heard coffee I forgot about fans! Except I seem to be in agreement with your husband, I like fans on at night, it's soothing. The sound that I can't stand is ice being shaken around in a glass. Comes from waiting tables for so long.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Becky in Iowa :O) said...

I am totaly the opposite of you.

I can't sleep at night unless I have my box fan going. It is one of those cheep, loud, bulky box fans that they have made since time unending.

I have tinitis though. I can't take complete silence because then the ringing my ears seems to be as loud as a rock concert in my ears. I always have to have a tv, radio or fan going to provide background noise.

8:15 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

i'll admit, i snickered a little. but hey, it could happen - i keep envisioning charlie and his grandpa after drinking that soda in willy wonka - yikes! that fan almost got them! ;-P

10:18 PM  
Blogger Blage said...

What a pretty blue fan. We have them on the ceilings all over my house, not totally necessary because there is ac. I am your land lord this week and am working on my post about your site. Very nice crochet items you have here, and would probably prefer your coffee as my current cup is on the cold and week side.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Blage said...

meant weak side..........

10:21 AM  
Anonymous cassie-b said...

Coffee - the best solution. Get a cup, but don't drink it in a room with a fan, that's my advice.

Cas

8:50 AM  
Blogger misplacedpom said...

Yay! Someone else with a completely irrational phobia! I have a phobia of brush bristles. Just thinking about them touching me makes my skin crawl. Maybe I was killed by a toothbrush in a former life?

3:37 PM  

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