Thursday, July 06, 2006

Striptease ~ Not Just For Skinny Girls Anymore

I had stated at the end of my last post that I am planning to take long walks. Ya know. To make with the skinny.

But, that plan died a very quick and scary death. Due to a dog. A dog that belongs to my neighbor across the street. A dog that is a large and not fully trained rottweiler. A dog that is in a yard with a 2 foot high bar acting as a fence and absolutely no gate at all. And apparently no owner in the vicinity to stop it from running towards me and growling loudly and SCARING THE CRAP OUT OUT OF ME, sending me running back home in fear after barely walking to the end of my driveway.

Now, I have a scary looking dog. And I get annoyed with people who get scared of him if he barks a bit when they are walking by. But that's because he is never outside for longer than a pee unless someone is with him. And, he doesn't growl at people, he issues a friendly little Hello bark. Sure, it's a deep bark, but just a bark. AND, he's behind a fence. A four and half foot high fence. With an extra length of farm fencing in the areas where he used to squirm under. And a GATE. Which all may act to make him look even scarier, as if we are protecting the general public from a viscous animal bent on tearing all of their throats out, but really is there to protect him from the idiots that would hurt him because of his scary looks. Because, in reality, he gets beat up by a cat. A clawless cat. Daily.

But, I digress.

Since Plan Go-For-A-Long-Walk-And-Don't-Come-Back-Until-I-Fit-In-Last-Years-Jeans has been kiboshed, I've moved on to Plan B.


Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease! You want to make your husbands eyeballs bug out? Come home from a yarn shopping trip with THIS workout video. And inform him that as you get better, and move on to other videos, you get to learn how to lapdance. And then remind him that he will be away working all summer, and won't be able to witness said workout. Awwwwwww.

He asked me (in his smartass way) if I was going to crochet something to wear while learning how to strip. I said, Yes, legwarmers! He gave me a funny a look and asked me if I was serious. What the Hell did he think I was going to crochet????? Tear-away pants?????

I have since started and stopped 3 different legwarmers. I will eventually finish them and write out the pattern (aren't I always promising that), but I need to stop crocheting for a few days. My neck is on the very edge of being healed enough to start stripping, but crocheting tends to tighten it all up again.

But, that's what EBAY is for! I'm thinking of these ones. And I'm TOTALLY going to have to find a sweatshirt so I can do the Flashdance look. And, just a warning: If you plan to do a Google image search to research what a nice tasteful stripping outfit may look like, I suggest making sure the 'safe search' is turned on.

Has anyone else tried this striptease workout? Did it work? Come on, you can tell me. It's just you, me and the world wide web here.

As for the wedding shawl....there's a whole other story about the creation of that shawl. Which I will tell ya'll soon. And if I can figure it out, have a pattern for you, too. No really, I promise.


Blogger Gigi said...

Hey Tara!
Sometimes my neck gets tight from crochet. This has taught me to support my arms (on a table or chair with arms that are at least waist high) and hold my crochet higher up. Together this has releaved my neck strain. Hope this helps!

11:28 a.m.  
Blogger Vanessa said...

ok - let us know how the video works! I've totally been thinking of trying that out.
I recently got some bellydance workout videos that I'll be trying soon.

11:43 a.m.  
Blogger Tara said...

Oh, I took bellydancing classes a few years ago. Definately fun! Unfortunatly, also a direct cause of my hurt neck, since I tried out all of my great bellydancing moves at the same wedding, LOL. If I learn all the stripping moves, I'll never be able to get drunk in public again. LOL

11:46 a.m.  
Blogger Becky in Iowa :O) said...

hehehehe snort hehehehe

I feel so sorry for your hubby. hehehehe

2:09 p.m.  
Blogger Christy said...

Oh Tara, in a totally straight way I wish I could be a fly on the wall the first time you stick the video in!! I know you can do it, and now your husband has something really special to look forward too when coming home!
I have thought about the pole dancing video, but that requires some money and labor in setting up!

2:20 p.m.  
Blogger LG said...

CanĀ“t wait to read what happened after the video lessons!!! ;)

4:03 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh man! I got charged by my dumb neighbors huge dog the other night when I was walking my cute little dog. Did you not hear me yelling all the way in Canada? The neighbor sure came out in a hurry. I scared that dumb dog away. Mwahaha!!

Good luck with the newstyle aerobics!

11:02 p.m.  
Blogger LinknKnits said...

I meant to comment on your last post that the shawl is awesome. :-) I have not tried this newfangled striptease stuff (and don't you dare mention it to my hubby!) as I have been trying to lose weight the old-fashioned way... in my case, this is bicycling so much my butt feels numb! Maybe if I am creative I'll combine the two??

8:49 a.m.  
Blogger lavendarblitz said...

I really like the hiphop. Glad I'm not the only one looking for a fun way to exercise.

10:27 p.m.  
Blogger utenzi said...

Dancing with just legwarmers on sounds like a great idea to me, Tara. I'm sure your husband will warm to the idea quickly. :-)

10:07 p.m.  
Blogger noricum said...

Methinks you need to report that dog owner to the authorities. :P

2:38 p.m.  

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