Monday, July 31, 2006

Tara vs Spiders

That's it. I give up. They've won.

They can have my house, my yard, my kids. Whatever. I'm packing up and leaving.

I can't take these damn scary spiders anymore! I can't pick up laundry off the floor or move a couch to vacuum without finding one. And I don't mean cute little nursery rhyme spiders. Big, fat, hairy, horror movie spiders.

I was reading a book and one scampered across the page I was reading. What the hell????? They are totally planning this! This is a conspiracy.

And I know where the ringleader lives. On my new shed. Right up under the shingles. And he has a web. A big, giant, scary, catch-a-man-alive-and-slowly-suck-the-life-out-of-him kind of web. Look:

This is the lead spider.

This is PART of the area his web covers.

This is just an example of the poor buggers that get caught in it.

And that's just the outdoor variety. The indoor ones are even scarier, with their beady little eyes and their clipboards with a checklist of people they want to scare the life out of. I think I am on the list more than once.

So, I'm out of here. As long as they give the kids three meals a day and walk the dog, they can have the house. They can move into my room and lay around in bed and watch movies. They can take showers and baths in my bathroom and crawl up and down every drain pipe they want. Heck, they can even wear my clothes. I need new ones, anyway. As long as they don't touch my yarn.

Oh GAWD, I didn't even think if they are in my yarn!

If anyone is looking for me, ask the damn spiders.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness. It's like a scene out of Arachnophobia!

11:01 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Boyfriend loves spiders. He refuses to kill or remove them for me. Oh no - he invites them to come down and bite him, hoping that one of them will give him its spidey powers.

11:16 a.m.  
Blogger Gina said...

ewww!!! poor hun!
once agian eeewww!!!

12:29 p.m.  
Blogger aj said...


12:42 p.m.  
Blogger LG said...


1:18 p.m.  
Blogger Darlene said...

OMG - nothing scares me more! Every spring I tell my husband I'm moving to Antartica because I have such a fear. I dread the summer every year - not for the heat (which I do hate), but the insects. We have these things that fly up here that have antennas (they come out in June) that I call flying lobsters. I want to die every year.

7:13 p.m.  

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