Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Virtual Tara

Hi There. I'm Virtual Tara. Nice to meet you all. I'm almost exactly like Real Life Tara.....but better.

For instance, I'm a lot smarter. And funnier. And cuter. And I'm obviously skinnier. I'm just much more adept at Carmen Electra's Striptease Aerobics, I suppose.

Oh, and I can sing. RL Tara can't sing to save her life. But I can't sing everything. Just songs by the Beatles. And the whistling part to 'Sitting On the Dock of the Bay'. I'm a great whistler.

I can also knit a lot better than RL Tara. She can't even finish one little legwarmer in stockinette, with no color changes, without screwing it up. What a nerd.

We are pretty even in the crochet department. I have more time to crochet, though, what with not having my kids running around me all the time. I have a nanny for that.

Did I mention I have a lot more money that RL Tara? No? Well, I do. Gobs and gobs of it. I have so much money, my team of maids spend half the day just looking for places to put all of my money.

The live-in cook also helps me free up some time. I usually spend it in Paris. Sometimes in London. Occasionally I pop over to Ireland, just to fondle all of their yarn, then I leave. They don't mind, as long as I stop trying to push my idea of breeding sheep that already have colored wool, so as to skip the dying process. But wouldn't that be a great idea?

I live in a great big house that is fully renovated. It does not require repairs. Ever. There is absolutely no reason at all for tools to be used. Ever. And my bathroom is HUGE.

My virtual husband is exactly the same as RL Tara's real life husband. The only difference is his job. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but that's only because it's so boring. I think he just sits around most of the day. There are no long trips away from home, no explosives, nothing at all making the KABOOM sound, nobody shooting in his general direction. Just sitting. All day long. Then, on the way home, he picks up a Tim Horton's coffee for me.

As you can obviously see, I am in SO many ways much better than the Tara you are used to. Don't worry. I'm not here to take over her blog. She needs it, the poor thing. But I may pop in once in a while. Ya know, to tell ya'll about how great I am. Okay? Okay.

(I, Real Life Tara, drew Virtual Tara myself, but she was inspired by the art of 6Teen, a cartoon my kids watch. Just so you didn't think I was trying to sneak that little plagiarism by ya'll.)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a perfectly wonderful life you have. Similar to mine.

My best to Tara

1:26 p.m.  
Blogger Unknown said...

I just love reading, exspecially when my life is sucking....giggles Thanks~!!!!

1:32 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bet she doesn't have the dreaded A.P.Z., either... (I abbreviated the dreadful thing.)

4:09 p.m.  
Blogger utenzi said...

Virtual Tara might be able to sing but she sure is confused. There's no way that she's cuter than the real Tara. Tara is beautiful! (but don't tell her I said so, we don't want to give her a swelled head)

10:02 p.m.  
Blogger Kara said...

cute! Here via michele.

12:22 p.m.  
Blogger aj said...

Thanks for the laugh! Virtual Tara cracked me up!

3:44 p.m.  

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