Saturday, September 16, 2006

I Hate My Car

Warning: The following post may not be suitable for all makes and models of cars. Scenes may include graphic descriptions of violence against cars. Not all car part descriptions will be accurate or even sane. Younger cars may get scared. Reader discretion is advised.
I HATE my car. I hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it. Hate. It.
Fine. So it's not a car car. It's a minivan. But I still hate it. Why? Why do I loathe the Looser Cruiser?
Because he's broken. A lot. A LOT. All the time. Back brakes, front brakes, rear passanger side bearing thingy, sway bar bushing crappy things (3 times), front wheels enourmously out of balance while driving through the backwoods of nowhere, engine light coming on for no reason, rust spots on the hood, computer messing up and unlocking the doors and unlatching the back hatch door over and over over and over and over, while we are driving, and so on. It really does go on. I just can't remember everything. Except for YESTERDAY. When the TRANSMISSION was leaking. And there goes more money to fix THAT.
And, I hate him because he is only 4 years old. FOUR YEARS. We bought it brand spankin new, right off the lot. Fine, so he's been from Ontario to Alberta and back a few times. And all over Ontario at least a few times a year. And at least one 2 hour trip at least once a week. And to Boston, and Maine. Whatever. He's still only 4 years old!
And, I hate him because I love him. I love this van. The way it looks. The way it drives (when it's fixed), the space inside. Even the radio is great. I love him. And I hate him.
HATE. I can't take this anymore. As soon as I start to make even a TEENSY amount of money, he sucks it up. And I want him gone. GONE. Because if I have to sit and watch him get fixed and fiddled with while all of my money goes away one more time...I'll...I'll....KILL him.
You heard me. KILL. I'll take the first wrench I can find and I'll start pulling whatever I can out of the engine. Then I will take all of the knobs off the dasboard and JUMP on them. Ya. Then I'll get me a crowbar...NO, an AXE...and smash in all the windows. YA! Then I'll key the whole paint job. Take THAT butane blue paint! Ha ha! Ohhh. Then the seats. I'll use my biggest butcher knife. Yaaaa. And the carpets, too. I'll light THOSE on fire. HA HA HA HA.....
...oh. Sorry. I was just daydreaming there for a second. Because for reals, I hate my car. But I'm stuck with him. Because he is SUPPOSED to be our second car, come next year when he is all paid off.
Then I'm gonna get me a Corvette. Ya. A blue one. But not that stupid butane blue, an electric blue. A Stingray. Maybe a '63 or a '65. Ya. That's the ticket. A booster seat will fit in that, right? Sure it will. And my alleged husband can take to the LOOOOOOSER cruiser to his alleged work with him.
HA.

EDIT*** For Jana and anyone else that was wondering...it's a Dodge Caravan. 2002.

14 Comments:

Blogger Pass The Torch said...

You know, insurance would be higher on the vette;) Love the term Loser Cruiser! Very funny!

Here from Unexplored Territory.

Kelly

10:32 AM  
Blogger Nichole R. said...

*snurk* Ah, Tara, you always make me laugh in the mornings. And I really needed it today! Thanks for being crazy. :)

11:11 AM  
Anonymous Valbee said...

Tara... who takes your minivan in for service? You? Or your alleged non-existent husband?

12:58 PM  
Blogger Jana said...

can you tell me what make it is so i avoid it when i buy mine:) thanks;)

4:05 PM  
Blogger Duchess said...

I hate even having to pay to get the oil changed! We just spent over $500 on tires because the hubby said one was getting bad, so we might as well get them all replaced at the same time. WHY?

I love your idea of a vette!

4:56 PM  
Blogger Blazer1234 said...

we have one of those, but it is much older than your loser cruiser. And like you, I love the car, but hate that it sucks up money and is such a pain in the arse.

Yeah, Corvette is the way to go. Besides, you'll never have to do a carpool because, shucks, there's just now room!

5:07 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

Loser Cruiser! Hahahaha! A little blog therapy feels good, doesn't it? Someday I hope to dump the mom car and toodle around in a little Mercedes roadster. *sigh*

5:51 PM  
Blogger noricum said...

My mom had a Dodge Caravan for a bit back in the 90s... boy, was it a money-sucking lemon! (Some of your problems sound familiar. I guess they haven't improved much.)

6:08 PM  
Blogger MugwumpMom said...

Your landlord sent me over.
Frustrating that car..er..van thing.
And must admit, for one who lost interest in Survivor after season 1, this new one is intriguing. Still think they should do one on some island off the northern BC or "Territories" coast.

7:52 PM  
Blogger Knitting Maniac said...

Looser Cruiser. That is perfect.

Sorry you are having some trouble with it! That is a bummer.

9:24 PM  
Blogger Ruth said...

My mom has a Caravan that is sucking away all her money, and we have an older on that has been so nice to us!! Hubby has his eyes set on a Durango though...maybe one day!

9:57 PM  
Blogger dctwentysomething said...

this has really made me crack up here - this is definitly a new fav!

3:03 PM  
Blogger Vanessa said...

I LOOOOOVE those vintage Vette's!
With the newer convertibles, the Saturn Sky is beautiful.

2:24 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

We had a dodge, and got rid of it for the same reason. Bought a Chevy Venture instead and now we have electrical probs. I don't think you can win the loser cruiser battle.

1:18 PM  

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