Wednesday, November 29, 2006

NaBloPoMo Post 29 ~ THE Rant

Hold onto your socks, folks. This rant has been building for a few weeks now. I just haven't had time to sit and express myself in blog form.

There are a lot of things on this planet that bug me. Pesky things. Annoying things. Things that only bother me a little, but could hardly warrant a full rant. What? You want examples? That could take a while. And I'm trying to make a point here. Stop interupting. Ok. OK. FINE. I'll give a few examples.

~ People who wear their pajamam bottoms as pants. Out in public. You know we can all tell, right? You are not blending in.

~ People who don't put their carts away. You know who you are.

~ Spongebob Squarepants.

~ Bad coffee.

~ Etc.

~ I hate when people use Etc.

But, none of those things are why I am here today for your ranting pleasure. No. I have a much more annoying nemisis. It's not just annoying. It's dangerous. And mean. And I would have to say downright abusive. It will probably kill us all someday. That's right. You know it. I'm talking about

I hate glitter. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE glitter. What the hell is wrong with everyone? Why do you need your holiday items to sparkle and shine with glitter? WHY? Save it for the show girls. Your fake poinsettias and plastic ornaments are very pretty already. They DON'T NEED GLITTER.

And do you all know who has to live in constant fear of the glitter? Do you? That's right. The retail workers. The ones who are covered in it, day after day. Sneezing glitter. Getting glitter in the eye. Dying of glitter induced cancer of the lungs in about 30 years or so.

It gets in our hair, on our clothing, our skin. And it doesn't come off. Not even when we leave and go home. Even after a shower, it's still there. And then it gets transferred to our families. OH, the HUMANITY!

And do any of you care? Do you? NO. And how do I know? Because you still keep buying the glittered up crap! And you bring it to MY counter. So I can smile and inhale some more. And then you say "Isn't this pretty?" and I have to say YES, even though I am SCREAMING inside. And then.....THEN.....just to dig the knife in a little more, you then say something like "Oh, I think I see a sparkle on your face. Just under your eye. No. No. A little more to the left. Close. Nope, it's still there. Maybe if you scratch it with your nail. Nope still there. It must want to stay. Hee hee hee. Now you're all sparkly for the holidays!"

And I need to restrain myself. From jumping over the counter and strangling you with a length of glittered ribbon.

When I rule the world, glitter will be banned. Except to be used in forms of torture and punishment.

16 Comments:

Blogger aj said...

A M E N.

9:56 a.m.  
Blogger Nichole R. said...

Oh, Tara, my mornings would be so dull without you. I read your post and immediately thought of this article. Enjoy!

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42814

9:56 a.m.  
Blogger Lynn / vigilant20 said...

I like glitter. In fact my shoes today are sparkley. So HA!

10:11 a.m.  
Blogger Tara said...

Nichole! That's great! i've already printed it up for my co-workers to read. We may need to start a dollar store union to fight this.

Lynn. I know it's addictive. Like smoking or heroin. But you can do it. You can drop the glitter. I know you can. You just need to be strong.

Aj...my word verification says AJ, hee hee.

10:14 a.m.  
Blogger utenzi said...

Don't you mean:

"Oh, the inhumanity!"

I can see why this would bother you in your new job, Tara. Being a guy, I can live quite easily without glitter so I wish you luck on your campaign to eliminate glitter. BTW, November is almost over, Tara, so soon you won't have to strain everyday to create a new post. LOL I've been unofficially doing the November-post thing also.

10:42 a.m.  
Blogger Brandy said...

I dont buy anything with glitter on it. But I have to say that when my daughter gets ready for like homecoming we do the spray glitter to make her sparkle. But I dont buy anything else with glitter!!

12:03 p.m.  
Blogger Lucy said...

I AM behind on blog reading....I've missed so much in your blog....tatoos, birthdays, ghosts, glitter, etc...(oops, sorry) You seriously should write a book of your life...I'll be the first in line with my $1.00. You are toooooo funny!

2:27 p.m.  
Blogger Gina said...

glitter...*twitch-twitch* WHERE! grabs the baby wipes an masks.

4:15 p.m.  
Blogger Ana Banana said...

When I was a cashier it took almost a year to get the glitter from Christmas off of my shoes. Not quite the thing for cowboy boots.

5:25 p.m.  
Blogger Fadrah said...

reminds me of the lady who didn't have time to "wash up" before her trip to the gynacologist so just did what she could. Dr. told her everything went fine but next time she didn't need to take the extra care. Cofused she went home where her daughter proceeded to ask her what happened to the wash cloth she was using to clean up her glitter with...

7:58 p.m.  
Blogger Becky in Iowa :O) said...

hehehehe I'm with you on the glitter, but I think the whole jammie thing is the most annoying. It is bad enough when they wear the bottoms out. But when I dropped my son off at school this morning, a mother got out of her van to help her little girl out of the back and she was wearing her flannel jammies and slippers. No jacket or anything. Just her jammies. Talk about freakin lazy. hehehe

8:26 p.m.  
Anonymous Barb said...

Well Tara, had to read the glitter bashing! I am still covered from today's shift! I am itchy all over from it too! You can't go anywhere after work before you have a shower, and like you said it still doesn't come off! I love christmas, but the glitter's just gotta go! Oh yeah, it also makes the floor slippery too! Well have a great one, and thanks for the laughs Tara!

10:19 p.m.  
Blogger Sue said...

Ack! It does get everywhere, doesn't it? I'm with you on the pj bottom thing.

10:20 p.m.  
Blogger Kuka said...

teehee =)
I'm with you - except for the spongebob part!! hehe

2:40 a.m.  
Blogger Wanda said...

GASP!!!! Are y'all talkin' about ME???? LOL! I love Sponge Bob... have nothing against glitter - especially on Christmas cards (retro doncha' know), use 'etc.' a LOT, and wear not only pj pants, but pjs wherever the heck I please! At 54, I just don't give a hoot any more about 'normal'. Last night I wore my flannel pjs and house coat into the corner store. I've worn them more places too.

Allright, I know y'all are shaking your heads and rolling your eyes! Well, crazy or eccentric...it's anyone's call, I guess. ;)

4:05 a.m.  
Blogger Debby said...

That is one of the funniest posts I've read in a long time! I have to agree on the glitter...not a fan.

10:21 p.m.  

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