Saturday, December 23, 2006

Dear Santa....

Dear Santa,

I know. I'm a little late this year. I KNOW. You've been at the mall. You've seen me there. You know how busy I've been. But, here's my letter. You can call off your little pointy eared goons, now.
In the spirit of Christmas, and because I can't think of anything to ask for, I'm going to ask for things for others. You know. To be nice.

For the customers at the Dollar Store:

Please Santa, could you teach them all to put their carts away? Maybe the elves could hold a seminar. It shouldn't take long. Just so they stop randomly pushing carts in various directions. They seem to think that the carts have little minds of their own and will steer themselves into the corral. But, they don't. They just don't.

Oh, and since you will have them there, could you remind them the the dollar store counters don't have conveyer belts like the fancy shcmancy grocery stores. And that their cart will NOT melt out from under their stuff if they don't pile it on the counter as fast and as high as possible. You could help them relax. RELAX. And just enjoy the dollar store experience.

For my kids:

Santa, could you please send a robot mom for my kids. I know they didn't ask for it, but I can tell they really want one. One that looks a little like me. And will clean the house and all that crap. I know they would love that. Really. I swear it.

For Horatio Caine:

Horatio needs a rich wife from Europe. Please. PLEASE. Send him away. So I can watch TV on Monday nights again. Without gagging.

For Yul, the winner of Survivor:

I know. He won a million dollars. I'm very happy for him. But maybe you could overhaul his personality a little bit. Because I swear he is the EXACT same as an ex boyfriend of mine, and that's not good for anyone. What an ass that guy was.

For the Taliban:

Santa, could you get these guys some teddy bears and cozy blankets? Maybe some nice sleepytime tea laced with chill pills. Anything to get them to BUGGER OFF already. Thanks.

For my blogger friends:

Santa. Santa, Santa, Santa. I think I asked for more time last year. Fine, you didn't get it for ME, but what about all of my loving and faithful readers out there in the blogiverse? They miss me. They cry for me. They can't keep going on like this. Why, Santa? WHY? The world is cruel enough. Give these poor, poor bloggers a break and give me just one extra hour a day to sit and blog with a cup of coffee. Is that really so much to ask?

Ok, fine, for ME:

Could you pick me up a large Timmies with 3 cream and 2 sugar? Thanks.

Your Friend,
Tara

4 Comments:

Blogger Michelle424 said...

Tara, I'm so with you on Yul, the Taliban & your blog friends. Hope you & your family have a Merry Christmas & for laughs check out this site: www.elfyourself.com....hilarious!

Michelle

10:34 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

You are one of the funniest folks out there. :-)

11:01 AM  
Blogger Magpie Chick said...

I thought about you yesterday while I was in my local Dollar Establishment. A woman who must have been living under a rock for the last decade was dragging a poor stock-girl around, grabbing things off the shelves, and squealing, "This is a dollar?!?", "Is this only a dollar?", "How about this? A dollar?!" Poor stock-girl dearie :)

3:37 PM  
Blogger .:Cris:. said...

Merry Christmas Tara! :)

Cris~

11:55 PM  

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