The Great Debate
But this is important, too. And a discussion that is LONG past due.
What's your favorite CSI? The original, Miami or New York?
Yes, this includes all you people that say you never watch TV. Ya'll know we don't beleive you, right? Fine, so it's mostly CNN and Discovery that you watch. But you flip. We know. And sometimes you stop on CSI. And then tell everyone at the office the next day that you don't watch that stuff. You'd rather watch (ick) Survivor. TV snobs don't fool me.
I'm not here to discuss all the factual errors in these shows. Yes, we all know it takes longer than that to process DNA or fingerprints. And yes, we know that it's the police that interrogate, not the CSIs. And YES, we have noticed that just about every single plotline was stolen from episodes of Quincy, ME.
But, for what it's worth, here's my take on the CSI triplets.
CSI (the original in Las Vegas)
Of the three, this is my personal favorite. But I like originals. For instance, I much prefer Disneyland to Disneyworld. I've also been to Las Vegas. I would love to see NY, but have no real desire to ever go to Miami. (Perhaps becuase of the show, but we'll get to that later).
For one, I like the characters better. They are more real. They have flaws. And I hate some of those flaws.
Like Catherine Willows.....is it just me, or did she turn really trailer trashy and bitchy the past few seasons? Sleeping with suspects? Never taking care of her own daughter? She has turned into that couger at the end of the bar that's pretty, but ooooozing desperation.
Sara Sidle is also rather bitchy. Apparently that stems from anger due to witnessing her parents kill each other, or something like that. Boo hoo. That's no reason to be rude, is it? Well, ok, fine. So maybe her mom wasn't around to teach her manners. But seriously, Sara. Turn down the intensity. Also, while I like Gil Grissom, he's WAY too old and into dead bodies for a young girl like you. Move on. I think Greg likes you.
And, as much as it's already been discussed all over the internet.....Nick Stokes. Dude. The moustache? What? What the hell was that? Oh, it's gone now? Great. So then what about the hair?!? You know that's all anyone will remember your career for, now, don't you? The bad moustache and cheesey hairdo. I'm sorry, but you should have consulted me first.
Gil Grissom is up there on my list of fav characters. He's just the right blend of creepy and neurotic, and cute and cuddly. Wouldn't he be fun at a dinner party? Just don't say anything stupid, or he'll give you that "I'm very dissapointed in you," stare. And then talk about the bugs.
My favorite LV dude is Greg Sanders. How adorable is he? And very human. Makes a LOT of mistakes. And he's not so creepy.
Overall, I like this show best because they all seem so much more real. Ok, so not totally real. But more than the CSI:Miami folks.
Oh my. Where do I even start.
I hate this version. HATE. H.A.T.E. Hate it.
But I still watch it. I really don't know why.
Let's dissect it from the head down....or is this starting from the ass up? Horatio Caine. Do people seriously think he's a good actor? What? Are you watching with your eyes closed? And your ears plugged? And while recently deceased? He's horrible! He has one look, one line with different variations ("Here's what we're going to do","This is what I think","I'll tell you what's going to happen"), one stupid move with his sunglasses. But, all that aside, here's my real problem with 'H'. HE'S NOT A DAMN HERO. He thinks he's responsible for everyone in Miami! And he's not very good at it, since they often get killed.
The episode that kicked the dead horse was number 307 'Crime Wave' from season three. There was a lot going on. You can read the summary if you really want to. This is my take on it. At one point, it's discovered that someone has been kidnapped and stashed in the underground parking of a very large resort hotel that has been schedualed for demolition. 'H' is standing outside of his SUV on one side of a bridge, the hotel being way over on the other side. Eric Delko says to him "'H', you've got twenty seconds," or something like that. But basically, he has twenty seconds. So, Horatio the Hero gets back in his SUV, drives across the bridge, through the parking lot, and into the parking garage. At this point, he has no idea where the victim is, but he drives through looking. There are probably a hundred support columns, but good ole 'H' finds just the right one without even breaking a sweat. Then he gets out of the SUV, breaks the duct tape wrapped around this guy (with his bare hands, no less) and they get back into the SUV. Then, as they are driving out of the garage, there are a series of explosions, one after the other, right behind the SUV and catching up, fast. But, phew, they make it out of the hotel and across the bridge to safety just in time. ALL IN TWENTY SECONDS! What? Time yourself for twenty seconds. I bet you can't even get yourself a fresh coffee in that time.
Also, I hate Calleigh Duquesne. She gives me temporary tourettes syndrome whenever I see her. I just start yelling and swearing at the screen. What a stuck up, know-it-all bitch. Isn't she? Boys? Did you hear me? Or are you too busy thinking about her ass in those super tight dress pants she wears? Because you know she'd be super high maintenance, right. There is no WAY you could be perfect enough for her. And last night, she made me swear again. They were discussing some suspects that were taking a film course. She said something along the lines of "Film Studies? So they watch movies? And I just went to university and got a [masters and PHD in everything] (I can't remember exact degrees, but very pretentious). What was I thinking?" All in her stupid fake southern accent. What a whore.
I also need to mention Alexx Woods. She scares me. Please, if I die, don't let her near me. Petting my hair and calling me 'Baby Doll' and asking me questions about my death as if I'm about to sit up and answer her. Is that what she sees? Dead bodies talking to her? Because that might not be the best quality in a medical examiner. I mean sure, occasionally Quincy said a few words, but at least he didn't fondle the bodies and give them nicknames.
And can I just ask....is Miami really all about nightclubs and drug dealers? Because I really don't want to visit if that is the case.
While I don't like this version as much as LV, I don't hate it as much as Miami. And that says a lot. My biggest beef with this one is that I guess who done it way too early. It's too predictable. And NY has been done to death. Leave it to Law and Order.
The characters are not too bad, but they don't mesh all that well. They always seem to pair up with the same people and never run into each other much at the lab.
I think Danny Messer is way too angry and wrapped up in his past. And rude, too. He should give Sara Sidle a jingle. They'd get on well together, I think.
The rest of it is rather unremarkable. But I still watch it. Don't judge.
So, that's it. My opinions on CSI. Fascinating, I know. And I'm sure ya'll have your own opinions. So go ahead. Opine. I'm dying to hear. (get it? Dying. That was a pun. Because CSI is all about dead people. It was funny. Shut up. Yes it was.)
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