Point is, I can tell it's spring. I mean really spring. And there is a very specific reason why I can tell it's spring.
It could be the smothering mountains of snow melting enough to reveal all of the crap that's been missing on the sidewalks and in the gutters all winter. Or, it could be the idiots that wear shorts and tank tops the SECOND the temperature rises above freezing (I'm on celcius here, folks, so that's about +1). It could be the Canada geese that fly back home, honking and yelling and shitting everywhere. It could even be all of the Easter paraphenelia choking up the aisles of every Walmart and Walmart-wanna-be store. Or the kids that HAVE to take their bikes out on the roads before all of the snow is melted, spraying muddy slush on everyone they pass.
It could be any of those things that signal spring to me. It could be.
But I don't get out much. So it's not.
For me, it's the spiders. The big-ass, hairy, scary, fanged, evil spiders. They went on their little winter vacations, drank some mojitos and soaked up some sun, but now they are back. It's back to the grindstone for these little buggers. They need to get off their creepy little behinds and get back to work.
Their work, of course, being to SCARE THE BEJEEZERS OUT OF ME!
Because we all know that that's the only reason they are here. To hide around corners and under dish towels and in my shoes. And I know (KNOW) that they all sit and stare at me when I'm sleeping. They probably hold staff meetings on the bed.
I'm not letting them win this time. I'm not just gonna sit around and wait for them to get me. GET ME. And they are planning it. I know they are. It's all very Wile E. Coyote-like, with crazy blueprints and Acme machines and maniacal chuckling. No, I haven't seen or heard anything. They're sneaky. But I know what they're doing.
I'm going out to Walmart tonight, and passing right by all the Easter chocolate (except maye the Whopper eggs, I love those) and going to the spider killer section. What? Your Walmart doesn't have a spider killer section?
Too bad for you. Better sleep with one eye open.