Friday, March 31, 2006

EEEEK....Spring

There are a lot of things in life that let us know that the seasons are changing. We don't need a calendar to tell us. Unless you're in Antarctica. Or maybe Australia. Don't they do it backwards there? Whatever.

Point is, I can tell it's spring. I mean really spring. And there is a very specific reason why I can tell it's spring.

It could be the smothering mountains of snow melting enough to reveal all of the crap that's been missing on the sidewalks and in the gutters all winter. Or, it could be the idiots that wear shorts and tank tops the SECOND the temperature rises above freezing (I'm on celcius here, folks, so that's about +1). It could be the Canada geese that fly back home, honking and yelling and shitting everywhere. It could even be all of the Easter paraphenelia choking up the aisles of every Walmart and Walmart-wanna-be store. Or the kids that HAVE to take their bikes out on the roads before all of the snow is melted, spraying muddy slush on everyone they pass.

It could be any of those things that signal spring to me. It could be.

But I don't get out much. So it's not.

For me, it's the spiders. The big-ass, hairy, scary, fanged, evil spiders. They went on their little winter vacations, drank some mojitos and soaked up some sun, but now they are back. It's back to the grindstone for these little buggers. They need to get off their creepy little behinds and get back to work.

Their work, of course, being to SCARE THE BEJEEZERS OUT OF ME!


Because we all know that that's the only reason they are here. To hide around corners and under dish towels and in my shoes. And I know (KNOW) that they all sit and stare at me when I'm sleeping. They probably hold staff meetings on the bed.

I'm not letting them win this time. I'm not just gonna sit around and wait for them to get me. GET ME. And they are planning it. I know they are. It's all very Wile E. Coyote-like, with crazy blueprints and Acme machines and maniacal chuckling. No, I haven't seen or heard anything. They're sneaky. But I know what they're doing.

I'm going out to Walmart tonight, and passing right by all the Easter chocolate (except maye the Whopper eggs, I love those) and going to the spider killer section. What? Your Walmart doesn't have a spider killer section?

Too bad for you. Better sleep with one eye open.

Happy spring!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Amazing Race Recap

I know life is more interesting outside of my house. I know. But I'm not there. I'm here. Inside my house. I'm sick, remember?

Ok, I won't lie. I did leave the house for a bit yesterday. I bought grapes. They were a great deal.

See? That's what I'm saying. It's boooOOOorrrring around here. Especially when everyone is draped on couches and beds trying to out-whine each other. I think I may be winning.

So, I live my adventure through The Amazing Race. Because the people on that show are quite obviously the opposite of boring. But that's not nessacarily a compliment.

I apologize in advance for the rambling nature of the following words. My thoughts don't always follow a straight line when I have the snuffles. And I can't do math. Seriously. What's 5 plus 3. I don't know right now. Oh dear. I wonder if those grapes were such a steal, afterall?


Let's start with the "Hippies" (BJ and Tyler). I admit it. I like them. Despite all their circus monkey antics, they seem to be quite smart and resourceful. There is a reason they are leading the pack. I also like that they are always kind and polite to everyone and do not ridicule or sneer at other cultures. It's a little refreshing. Ok. A LOT refreshing. And you can tell that Phil likes them, too. He has really broken out of his shell from the first few seasons and now openly shows his regard (or lack of) for the teams. Good. Because sometimes I wonder (what with all the extra time I have) if sometimes the 'villains' of these reality shows are only edited that way.


For example: We saw the old folks (Fran and Barry), once again, missing a clue box last night. AGAIN. And I said the requisite 'SHHEEESH' and 'Get some glasses, you old foggies!', but then I wondered: What if ALL the teams miss clue boxes occasionally? Would CBS choose not to air those moments, in order to play up the age difference in this team? Would they, indeed.
I was actually impressed with their improvement in last nights episode, and that also made me wonder: Were they purposely shown as bumbling relics so that we could all applaud their triumphant climb up the ladder?

And then I wondered: Do I maybe spend too much time wondering about conspiracies by the reality show peeps? Do I, indeed.


Dave and Lori certainly had a rough night, didn't they? Looks like the honeymoon is finally over. Thank GAWD. I like them. I may even be rooting for them. But, SHUT UP about how much you love each other. Real world, for them, went straight from playing Dungeons and Dragons, to racing around the world with the most insane mix of people the network could find. They don't know. They don't KNOW. Not at all. And why couldn't she figure out the statue puzzle? Why??? I don't understand. But I like them. For now.


Lake, Lake, Lake. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! I can't stand you! And neither can Phil! And you know what? Your wife hates you, too! Oh, I know she keeps going on and on about how great you are. I'm guessing that's more to convince herself. Sorry. Ok, fine, I'm not. And what's with keeping track of who made the most mistakes? You're supposed to be a TEAM. A TEAM, you loser.
I know I've said this before, but he would NEVER be my dentist.

Frat boys, you just need to go lift some cars. Or buy some porn. But leave the poor local girls alone. You're scaring them. At least the Double D's are safe from you, now.


I would also like to whine and complain about the new time for AR. Ten oclock? What? I need my beauty sleep.

I now need to go and lie about the couch and have the little one fetch me Kleenex and cookies. Ok, so sometimes it's fun to be sick.

Monday, March 27, 2006

What's Worse Than Having the Flu?

Nope. It's not a kid with the flu. It's a MAN with the flu. I know. Streotype. I know. But stereotypes are there for a reason.

My husband's father and stepmom came over on Saturady to visit for the night. It was fun. We had pulled pork sandwiches and the boys drank a lot of beer and wine. Eventually we all went to bed.
I was startled awake by the sound of retching at about 2:30AM. My first thought was that it was the wine that made him sick. But it just kept going. And going.

I know. Too much info. But you have to realize, this is one of the nastiest flus I've had in 30 years. And I've had some doozies. So I sympathized with him. It really, really sucks. And, being the loving wife that I am, I vowed to take care of him.

Not that I was taken care of when I was sick on Wednesday. No, I had to suffer alone, in bed, all day. The little one was running wild through the house on her own, since I was unable to even yell at her to leave the cat alone, dammit. She foraged in the pantry for food and managed to sustain herself with Care Bear fruit snacks and Hershey's kisses. By noon, I realized that I needed to get a handle on her, before she started a bonfire in the living room to dance nekkid around while chanting curses and incantations that would bring about my slow and painful doom.

That is, if she hasn't already.

So, I did something I have NEVER had to do before. Afterall, a mother can handle the flu AND the kids. I called for help. I called hubby's cellphone, to ask (BEG) him to come home from work and take care of me. I was heartbroken to hear my coat pocket ring, where the phone had been left the day before.

(Actually, it doesn't ring. It plays the song "My Humps" by The Black Eyed Peas)

So, needless to say, I felt much pity for my husband when the same ailment brought him to his knees on the bathroom floor on Saturday night.

Until he came back to bed, that is.

"Oooooohhh.....Aaahhhh.......ugh....cough, cough.......AAAHHHH.......uuuuurgg......gurgle gurgle gurgle.....oooOOOOOOhhh, it huuuurrrrts..........mmmmmm......oooooOOOhhhhh.......SOB......whine, moan, bitch, complain. etc etc etc......."

ALL FRIGGIN' NIGHT LONG!!!!

What the Hell!?!?!

I love him and all, but I just about smothered him with a pillow. Just to put us BOTH out of our misery.

I finally got up at 6 AM (on a SUNDAY MORNING) and threw my 'no more coffee' rule out the damn window. I love you, Folgers.

Friday, March 24, 2006

The Madcap Adventures of Mama Creep and the Grouch

I have a new blog tenant. And I LOVE her blog. Actually, I decided to accept it after reading her very latest post about the baby catapult car seat. Because the exact same thing happened to me. She was only about 3 weeks old, and the handle on the seat wasn't locked, and I threw her across the room. I mean, she flew. I was horrified. She was OK, but obviously scared, and crying. And, since my husband was in Afghanistan, I called my mom, crying and wailing that I was going to kill the baby before he even got a chance to meet her. And since my sisters and aunt were all sitting right next to my mom, it turned into a hillarious cackling and laughing fest. At the expense of a distraught mother and a freshly tossed 3 week old. And then I swore them all to secrecy. My husband must NEVER know that I almost killed his baby. NEVER. So they all swore on the heads of various loved ones. And they never told.
Hubby was home for about 12 minutes before I cracked and told him. He was cool with it. But he likes to bug my mom about how wrong it was for her to keep it a secret.
So, I relate.
But the rest of her blog is great, too. A lot of baby stuff, but not in that oogly googly cutsie pie way that makes some of us want to vomit. Not that the baby isn't cute, because he really is. Just, ya know. Some of us have been disillusioned by toddlers that are all sugar and sweetness in the outside world, but are actually plotting to kill us in our sleep when nobody is watching. So the only thing real cute about babies is that you have the brief respite from walking and talking and the ability to hold weapons.
And her sidebar has a section that keeps track of who the baby has peed on. Perfect!
AND SHE KNITS!
Ok, now go read it. CLICK HERE.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Just when ya'll thought I was back in blogland, there I go vanishing again. I have reasons. I've been sick. The flu. Or maybe malaria. I don't know. But it darn near killed me. This is my first time out of bed in two days.

I have some bad news, too. I'm giving up coffee.

It's OK. Calm down. The world didn't just spin off it's axis.

And it (hopefully) won't be forever. It's really the caffiene part of the coffee I am giving up. Same with my Diet Coke. I'm hoping that caffiene and/or artificial sweetener is the culprit in causing my migraines. Because that would be much nicer than a brain tumor.

I'll give it a week with no caffiene and see what happens. Maybe I should change the name here. Decaf Crochet? Ya, that sucks. I won't give it up compleltey, but maybe just one or two coffees a week. Sigh.

The flu is actually coming in handy. I could barely drink water for two days, so I didn't really miss the coffee much. But I do now.

At least I already quit smoking a few years ago.

I'm going to be taking it easy today, doing a bit of visiting (computer allowing).

Is it just me, or was this the most boring post ever? I think the caffiene made me more interesting. I'll just have to switch to vodka. THEN we'll have a real party!

Monday, March 20, 2006

The Scoops

Hi.
How ya'll doin?
I'm alive and kicking, as you can see. Or at least deduce.

So, here's the scoops.

Computer Scoop: It's still broke. I'm working on my really, really old computer right now. It sucks a lot. I know we are not supposed to be mean to the elderly, but I would LOVE to throw this elderly computer on the ground and kick it to death. Is that wrong?

I should be more compassionate. He's had a hard life. A few years ago, when hubby was in Afghanistan, the day before our anniversary, the phone lines just outside my house got hit by lightening. I was painting my office, so I had the computer at an alternate desk. Without a surge protector. It FRIED my modem. And my only contact with hubby was e-mail. And when you have a loved one in a place like that, silly bad things like lightening strikes become bad bad omens. At least if you are crazy like me, they do. So, I rushed my computer to the cheapest and fastest repair place. And I got what I paid for. This damn computer never worked the same way again. I can only sometimes get online. And it doesn't always stay online. And Heaven help me if somebody calls whiles I am online. Mr. Computer takes a nosedive into the pavement if that happens. So please don't call me right now.

I'm in the process of getting the 'good one' fixed. I have to decide what to do. I can either pay a bunch of money to some people that I don't entirely trust and I'm pretty sure would rip me off, but most likely know what they are doing.....or I can borrow a 'thing' from a friend (a 'thing' of which I won't describe, just in case any of ya'll are spies for someone very rich with the initials B.G.,. and you know who you are, you dirty dirty spies) and do it myself, which I'm fairly certain I can do, but sometimes I'm fairly certain I can time travel, too, so that doesn't say much.

Bathroom Reno Scoop: I have a beautiful downstairs bathroom! Ok, almost. We have everything done except the bathtub tiles. And if I close the shower curtain, that doesn't bother me at all. I'm hoping they get done soon. I think, though, that perhaps my husband and I have RADD. That's Renovation Attention Deficit Disorder.

We can't seem to focus on one thing anymore. Before the bathroom was even dry, hubby was building a new front closet and I was refinishing the wood bannister. Oh, and in between he moved a light switch over by about 3 inches. Just to balance out a wall.

What the hell is wrong with us?

But the rest of the bathroom is really, really pretty. And if I can manage to get pictures onto this old peice of crap, I'll show ya'll. Eventually.

Cartoon Scoop: I have a few more cartoons. Guess where they are. Nope, not the zoo. That was a dumb answer. Who said that? Stop reading my blog, dummy. All of you that said 'the stupid dead computer', you can stay.
So, I either have to wait to get back on there, or thank my lucky stars that I have my graphics programs on this computer, too. And I can play some more. Yay.
Yes, I have tried to contact a few mags, but nobody has replied. If anyone reading this here blog happens to publish a magazine and you have time to kill by reading this here blog, and assuming you're not the dummy that said 'zoo', give me a jingle.

Crochet and Knit Scoop: Ummm.....how many fingers do ya'll have? Because I may need a few of them to count up all of my ongoing projects. I think it was the renovation blitz. It had me going in eighteen different directions. I have a knit and crochet shawl in Caron Simply Soft white. There's a knit blanket made with rainbow sqaures of garter stitch using scrap yarn. I have a hat on the go using my new bamboo circular needles. There is a friend of my mom's that wants a baby poncho for every baby she knows. Some not even born yet. And I also have a new granny square toddler poncho on the hooks. It's very different from other ponhcos. Really. I'm serious. Stop laughing. I might even write out the pattern. If you stop laughing.

Kid Scoop: The oldest brat is going to get her hair chopped off tonight, because she hasn't been taking care of it and it's a big ratty mess. So she can have short hair until she learns to take care of it. Oh, I know. I'm such a mean mom. Deal with it.
The youngest brat is currently trying to eat the cat with her cow flashlight. And she's been getting up really early lately. And she won't stop talking. And whenever I hear her voice, my eye twitch gets worse.

Health Scoop: Speaking of the eye twitch. I have a Cat Scan on the 12th. Why they want to scan my cat, I don't know. Just kidding. I'm not that dumb. Or at least I don't think I am. Maybe the scan will tell me.
And no new armpit cysts. yes, I said cyst. I don't call them zits anymore. I've grown. I've matured.


So, now I am going to try posting this and hope and pray that my internet connection doesn't fail halfway through. But I'm here. I'm around. I'll do all the visiting I can within the limits of my computer. And hopefully I can send it to 'retirement' soon.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Still Here



Saturday, March 11, 2006

Big, BIG, Computer Problems

I'm on my father-in-laws computer, letting ya'll know that my computer is toast at the moment. It has a corrupted startup file that is preventing me from starting windows. It really, really sucks. I'm sure it will be fixed, but it may take a few days. I'm more worried about losing all of my files saved. SUCKS!
Just so you don't worry that I'm lying in a ditch somewhere.See ya'll soon. I hope.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Drywallowing in Self Pity

Oh, the ideas I have!

And you're gonna have to wait to see them all!

Because I have a bathroom to drywall!

With a migraine!

But really, I have some great new ideas. Some are for patterns. A few easy ones I will probably post as freebies. A couple of complicated ones, too. We'll see how they work out. Also, some new cartoon ideas. I should write them all down before my hyper-creative mood winds down. Oh, and I am trying to contact a few knit mags, to see if anyone wants some corny yarn cartoons. Besides ya'll, of course.


But for now, I am drywalling. With a migraine.

Thank Folgers for my coffee.

I love drywalling. Have you ever done it? It's a little like sculpting. Only the opposite. It's de-sculpting. No, it's anti-sculpting.

I was always good at whatever medium I choose to create art....except sculpting. The best attempt I made was when I was about 8 and made a bust of Alfred E. Newman out of clay, then painted him gold. It actually sat on the speaker in my parents' formal living room for years. Which was a bit weird, because they didn't actually support me as an artist.

But that's all a part of the cartooning history I'll tell ya'll about someday.

So, drywalling is fun. Mud, sand, mud, sand. And so on. And when you get a 100 year old house like ours, where there is no such thing as a straight wall, there is a LOT of blending to do. Blending panels of drywall that don't match up. At all.

In case you're ever in the modd to do soem drywalling yourself, here are a few tips (not to be confused with actual proffesional advice):

Tip #1: Wear the pretty mask over your nose and mouth. It's not just for looking sexy. Drywall dust kills people. It gets into your lungs and hardens and KILLS you. So for real, wear the damn mask.

Tip #2: Moisturize! Moisturize! Moisturize! Dudes.....that drywall dust sucks the moisture out of every nook and cranny on your body. Your eyes, your nose, your mouth, etc. Yes, even with the mask on. Imagine if you DIDN'T wear it. And you HAIR. It will look AWFUL. You know on movies and episodes of CSI, when they find a dried up body in a closet or the trunk of a car, and even if they were young and pretty once, they are now all shrivelled up and dry as dust? Ya. That's pretty much what you can feel your body doing while you sand drywall. Use a LOT of moisturizer afterwards (not before, you'll just feel like you've been turned into a statue) and BUCKETS of conditioner.

Tip #3: You know all those drywalling tools in the hardware store? There are TONS of gadgets to help you out. I use a) a spatula, b) a hand sander and c) a ladder. That's it. I don't use special sanders or corner trowels or that crazy big giant metal square on the end of a stick. Your fingers and the palms of your hands are the best tool there is. Fingers get the mud into the corners and tight spaces. Yes, it's rounded a little, but nothing that can't be sanded into a corner. And your palm can feel all of the spots you missed when sanding. Don't assume it's good because it looks good. Any unsanded parts can look good...until you paint. Then they will show up. So feel the wall. Caress it. Please don't fondle it. That's just weird.

Tip #4: You're gonna get dirty. REAL dirty. It's called drywall mud, for Folger's sake. Embrace it. Embrace your dirtiness. And don't sit on the couch until after you shower and change.

Tip #5: Don't drywall with a migraine. Please. Somebody cut my head off. That would be great.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Yarn: Inaugural Edition

This Image is © T.K.S. 2006. Do not use without permission.


Someday I'll tell ya'll about my history with cartooning. In the meantime, here's my 1st attempt at yarn humor. Hardy har har.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Coffee Crochet Chat Room

Looky over there on the the sidebar. See it? It's a chat room button. If you want to chat, click it. Simple, no?

I just installed it yesterday, so I've yet to actually chat with anyone. But it's open 24 hours. So ya'll can chat with each other, even if I'm not there. It's open to any and all right now. I won't be monitering it just yet. If I end up with a problem with troublemakers and pervs, I'll have come up with a plan B. But for now, just don't be perv-y. OK?

I would also love to have some hosted schedualed chats. We'll work on that, too.

If you have any probs with the chat room, or would like to host your own chat here, let me know ( coffeecrochet@hotmail.com ).

PS Sorry 'bout the odd pop-up. It's a free chat room.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Look out!

Did anyone get a good look at the tornado that drifted through my house, rearranging everything I own, in every single room? Height, eye color, liscense plate number? No?

Damn.

How the hell can a little teeny tiny bathroom cause SO much chaos in the rest of a house? There is a sink and a toilet on my stair landing. Drywall, tools and light fixtures in my dining room. Backerboard beside my coat closet. A mirror and some shelves blocking my daughter's room. A bathroom DOOR is in front of my office door, requiring me to suck in and be 16 year old skinny again just to get to my computer, and there is dust and dirt and CRAP on every floor. Not to mention, no dishes or laundry have been done, since all of the electrical and plumbing work had the power and water turned off.

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad it's getting done. And hubby and I work great together. I know some married couples can't put up a wallpaper border together without filing for divorce, but we do very well. He's like the surgeon and I'm his nurse. (get your dirty dirty minds out of the gutter, we're talking about renovating still). I just watch what he's doing, then hand him the tool he needs before he even asks for it. Then, when it's my turn (drywalling and painting and possibly tiling), I just wait until he's at work.

Because he's not as good of a nurse as I am.

In the meantime, my house looks like a pile of garbage. See?




Just kidding! That was the dump. The neatest and most organized dump in the WORLD.


Didn't dumps used to be, ya know, dumps? And it was great. Piles and piles of other peoples' garbage that piles and piles of other people picked through and took home. (Not me. I was never allowed to garbage pick. But it was fun to watch other people do it. But I did find a marble once, when I was about 6. It was a jumbo glassy. Don't tell my mom) It was the ultimate recycle program!

The dump around here is cleaner than my house is right now. There are neat and tidy piles of very specific things. Wood over there, drywall here, paper in this bin, bottles over there, etc. It kinda takes the fun out of it. The only redeeming fun-ness (sure, that's a word), is the great big glittering pile of broken glass. On a sunny summer day, it's one of the prettiest things I've ever seen. Unfortunately, it's burried in snow right now. I'll get ya'll a picture in the summertime.

Yes, I'm that weird.

So, today is cleaning day. Although, I'm not sure why I bother. It's going to get horrible again as soon as The Great Renovater comes home from work. How do they keep it clean on all these fix-up shows? They hire people to clean up right behind them, don't they? I bet that's it. So, any volunteers? Bring your own gloves.

And keep your hands off my husband's behind. Ya, I read ya'll gushing about it.


I have an ongoing relieve-my-reno-stress project on the go. It's a knit shawl with crochet edges. Or at least I WAS, until applejuice was spilled on it. If it's salvaged, I'll show pics. The design project is on hold untill I can devote more than a few minutes at a time. I am also in the beginning stages of another freebie pattern.

Assuming I can suck in my stomach enough to get back out of this office. If not, the crack is big enough to pass coffee through. I take it with cream and sugar twin. Thanks.




Friday, March 03, 2006

Dilemma

Zeller's is having a Buy-One-Get-One yarn door crasher special tomorrow. On ALL the yarns. Two for one. As in one for free.

But will I be at Zeller's? No. I'll be at the dump.

The DUMP.

And I can't even complain about it, because I've been asking for it for a year.

(Not the trip to the dump. It's not THAT fun at the dump. At least not since I was seven.)

I've been nudging and hinting at hubby for the last year to get to work on my downstairs bathroom. And he is. Finally. But there is a LOT of dumpable materials coming out of the bathroom, before he can put the new stuff in. So we are off to the dump, first thing tomorrow. Whoopdee-da-doo-da.

While everyone else buys my yarn.

Damn.


Sexy, isn't he? Back off ladies, he's all mine.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Wah-LA!

I buckled down. I finished Beatrice this afternoon. I watched a lot of bad daytime TV for that girl.


The yarn was LionBrand Sportweight Wool-Ease. I got it a LONG time ago, and this seemed like a good project to use it on.


I don't know that I will make this one again. As you can see, it fits my 12 year old daughter. Not me. And that's OK. It was divine intervention. Now that it's finished, I can see how it wouldn't look right on me. I am short and have no torso. Ok, a short torso. Whatever.


I think if I DID make another one, I would use a less stretchy yarn, and maybe a bigger hook. At least for the chevron part.


Overall, I'm just impressed I finished a whole pattern. Except the fringe, but that wasn't lazy. I just didn't like the fringe.


Now I can get back to designing. Without the guilt.

I'm So Weak

I cheated on Beatrice last night.

I couldn't help it.

She just isn't exciting me anymore.

Sure, in the beginning she was fun. A new pattern with some fresh yarn. Who could resist? But now....

It's just chevron stripe after chevron stripe after chevron stripe.....well, wouldn't YOU go in search of something more?

And it's the urges. The urges I've had lately. To design. I can't seem to stop myself. It's like I have no control.

I'm so so sorry Beatrice.

I sure hope she takes me back.


Current Beatrice



The Other Woman (Undentity to be Revealed Later)

Before I continue on with my day, I have a very important question. Why the hell did I dream about a Sock Monkey in every single dream I had last night???? It was so odd. I never have dream themes. And I never remember much of my dreams, either. But a SOCK MONKEY!? I looked in a few dream dictionaries. Not that I put much faith in them, but when faced with a recurring Sock Monkey, what would you do? They mostly just say that a sock can mean you've been hit with news. Like that makes any sense. Or if I look up monkey it says 'To dream of a monkey ,denotes you have deceitful friends that will flatter you to advance their own interest.' Interesting. Nothing about a Sock Monkey.

I wonder how many times I can say Sock Monkey before ya'll stop reading?

In other news...I had my first Roll Up the Rim to Win coffee last night. 'Please Play Again.' The bastards. I want a new TV. I've been cutting back on Tim Horton's coffee, as part of a new budget. But I think the budget needs to be blown. This is the year! This year I will win something bigger than a muffin! Tim Horton's OWES me!

Added later because I forgot to include this earlier. Duh.***

Did anyone watch LOST last night? When Claire was making the little blue baby botie? Was she using a hook or needles? Because I thought I saw needles, but later, when they showed the bootie up close, it looked crocheted to me.

Ok, I'm a loser. Whatever. You're still reading my blog.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Amazing Race Review

Sooo....who watched the Amazing Race last night? Oh, I know. YOU don't watch those stupid reality shows. I know. I get it. Wink wink.

But let's just say you DID watch. Nudge nudge.

Hubby and I have been waiting for it to start forever. Not that WE watch it. NO. Not at all. We don't wait all week for Tuesday night so we can watch the Amazing Race. We don't decide which one of us would do which task if we were ever on that show. Or if they ever LET CANADIANS ON. Nope. Not us. We watch the O.C. instead.

Oh, no, sorry. I can't continue the ruse. I would rather pour acid in my eyes that watch the O.C.

So, yes, we watch A.R. We also watch Survivor and Big Brother. Wanna fight about it?

Back to last night's show. LOVED it. Mostly because these are some of the most ridiculous contestants yet. I won't list them all, but here's a rundown of who I am watching the most:

Dani and Danielle (aka Pink, aka Double D):

"Tee Hee! We love BOYS!" I think I got dumber just watching them. And those OUTFITS. My eyes! But I have a funny feeling about them. I think the dumb may be a bit of an act. And it wouldn't surprise me if the producers play up that angle a bit, too. But, CRIPES, change the outfit, please. Someone is gonna pop a boob.

Dave and Lori (aka the Geeks):

I am TOTALLY rooting for these two. At least for now. I think they are a great big breath of fresh air. Geek air. But the kissy-kissy could start getting annoying. Fast.

BJ and Tyler (aka the Hippies):

Ok, first off, only people under the age of 30 would call these guys 'hippies'. Last I checked, hippes didn't tend to wear peach tuxedo shirts and fur stoles. They are just annoyingly flamboyant. But, I have a confession. As much as I HATED them in the first few scenes, they kinda grew on me. But by the end of the show, I was cheering them on a bit.

Fran and Barry (aka..uh....the Old People, I guess)

It's not that I don't like them. They seem nice. And in normal life, probably pretty smart. And a 40 year marriage. Good for them! I have a little message though:
If you go on the Amazing Race, BRING YOUR DAMN GLASSES!
How many times did they pass by that clue box? Seven? Eight? Did they watch any of the past seasons? They do know what a clue box looks like, don't they? Like I said, I like them. But they need to go.

Lake and Michelle (aka Oh, I don't know. Do they ALL need nicknames? Fine. Mr.Intense and Nurse Betty):

Really. Turn it down a notch, Lake. Do you do your dentistry with that kind of anger? Because I would NOT be your patient. Especially not after seeing how you handled those tools on the motorcycle challange. Wow. Scary, scary stuff. And Michelle. Dude. WHAT are you doing with such a freak. I know he's your boss slash husband, but you really let him treat you that way? You should get some guts and just RIP OFF that stupid air sickness patch he has on. That'll teach 'im.

Lisa and Joni (aka the Frosties):

STOP SCREAMING AND STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR BODILY FUNCTIONS! We don't care if you just peed!

Wanda and Desiree:

Two words: Gilmore Girls.

That's it for now. Some other teams might stand out more in further episodes. But right now, these are my teams to watch.

I was a little surprised they didn't have a Roadblock challange (where only one team member can perform a task, while the other one stands on the side and yells at them how to do it right). Especially since it was a 2 hour show. You'd think they could have fit one in.

And, I HAVE to comment on the helicopter thing. Anyone who is terrified of flying, and I'm included in that fun group, I hate to tell you: A helicopter trip will NOT get you over your fear of planes. It's a TOTALLY different experience. My dad was a helicopter pilot my entire childhood and into my twenties. I love helicopters. It's a beautiful way to travel. It doesn't scare me at all. Well, ok, when they turn a sharp corner, it's a bit scary, but not bad. I don't spend they whole trip thinking I'm about to die. So, sorry, you're not over you're fear of flying yet.

And I did manage to get most of the
Beatrice Shrug finished. Well, I only have 1.5 stripes left. Then it's just the finishing and the tie. I'm in the final stretch now, so hopefully I can hold on and finally finsish a pattern. Preferably before the next Amazing Race.