Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Important Message From B.A.D.K.

This is a very important message, especially with the upcoming holidays. Please, if you or a loved one will be knitting this holiday season, pay attention.

I feel compelled to speak on this cause, having been a recent drinking and knitting perpetrator/victim. I've been making The Poncho. It was going well. It felt fine. The colors are great and the tension seemed perfect. I was only going to have a few drinks. What could go wrong? Inertness, apparently, is what could go wrong. How was I to know that booze and/or pain medication could make me not want to get my ass up off of the couch and get the pattern way on the other side of the room? Jocelyn wanted to know how long it takes to make this particular pattern. Well, Jocelyn, a heck of a lot longer if you get tipsy and don't read the pattern.

You see, the first stockinette stage of the pattern calls for a width of five inches before moving onto the next stage. In my stupor (funny how that word sounds like 'stupid'), I choose to not double check that number on the pattern. I was cozy. There were good shows on TV. I knit all the way up to TEN INCHES. Now my poncho will be, at least, five inches too long. Frogging is not an option. I will just have to muddle through. At least my knees will be warmer.

I know. I KNOW. This story is sad. But it must be told. There have been too many drinking and knitting 'accidents'. The statistics are staggering. At least 1.4 million knitting projects are maimed or destroyed every year, at least half of those are meant to be Christmas presents*. We can't just sit by and let this continue. Knitting under the influence cannot be tolerated any longer! This isn't crocheting, people! We can't just yank it out to the mistake and then keep going. And those needles are sharp. Does someone you love need to lose an eye before you take away the yarn? It's up to all of us to make a difference!

Please, for the love of yarn, don't let your friends knit drunk!

This has been a public service message from Bloggers Against Drunk Knitting (B.A.D.K.).

*All drinking and knitting statistics provided are most likely entirely made up off of the top of my head. But it could be true.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very funny! Michele sent me, have a great day!

8:37 a.m.  
Blogger Jocelyn Sass said...

Ha! I am sorry I caused so much trouble! *g*
Does this mean you will not be able to tell me how long The Poncho takes to knit??!! *vbg*

10:26 a.m.  
Blogger utenzi said...

A very valuable public service message, Tara. You should try a fund drive--you never know. As a founding member of BADK you deserve a cush salary for alerting the public to this holiday menace.

Good luck, Tara, and sober knitting to you!

2:31 p.m.  
Blogger Erin said...

Hey Tara! Thanks for stopping by my site yesterday.

This post was a riot! I have the same problem with drunkin' blogging. It must be stopped!

Have a great day!

11:15 p.m.  
Blogger LadyLinoleum said...

OMG Tara I was I think my coffee shot through my nostrils reading this! LMA (and nostrils)O.

8:15 p.m.  

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