Problem Solving

Let's say you have a bag of chocolate chunk oatmeal cookie mix in which to make cookies. I know, you NEVER use cookie mixes. Or maybe you just never bake. Whatever, go along.

So, let's say that the instructions claim that a half of package, plus one egg and 2 tablespoons of butter, will make 30 cookies. Each cookie will be made by dropping a rounded tablespoon onto the cookie sheet.

And, assuming that a bit of the batter stays in the bowl, and a small amount on the spoon, and a few smidges on your fingers, and maybe your husband walks into the room and eats a teeny bit even though that is against house rules (salmonella! Hello!), and also the egg was of medium size and not large. All in all, that has maybe wasted one to one and half end result cookies.

So why do I only have 24 cookies?

Where did the other four to four and a half cookies go?

These are not big cookies. They are much smaller than storebought cookies. And yet, I have less cookies than claimed on the package.

And that sucks. Hard.

And that, my dear friends, is my little rant for the evening.

Tee Hee

I'm going pro!

I'm now in the process of designing for a publisher (teehee). I even have a dealine. A deadline! Like a real job, or something!
Sorry. Can't tell you what it is just yet. And it won't be out until March of '07. (teehee).

Sorry. I can't stop giggling.

Maybe because I am getting paid to crochet (teehee). Or maybe because my mom, the accountant, tells me I can now write off my yarn as a business expense (teehee). Or perhaps it's because I will get paid in US funds, which makes it even more here in Canada! (teehee)

In the meantime, wanna see the compiling results? Are you sure? There's a lot of them. I'll just post the links. There are 4 large images, so if I posted them here, I would give strokes to any of you on dial up or older computers. Each image should open up in a new screen.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v32/Jitter/past1.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v32/Jitter/past2.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v32/Jitter/past3.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v32/Jitter/portfolio1.jpg

These are mostly items I have made and sold on Ebay. Once I am done my current project (teehee), I am going to start writing patterns for a lot of what you see in these photos. If there is any particular pattern you would like to see, please let me know. I have to start somewhere! A few will be freebies, some will be submitted to mags and publishers, some I will sell myself.

I have so many other half-finished designs that will also be on the backburner. I need more hands.

All righty, then. Enough chit chat. I have work to do. Deadlines, and all. (teehee)

?

I suppose ya'll are wondering about the trailer trash decor question. Well, because I am making items to decorate a trailer, of course. I really like the beer can art idea, but I think I am leaning more towards throw pillows and such. I was just wondering what the average person thought a trailer might be decorated like. I mean like a camping, touring trailer. Like this stuff:
http://www.vintagetraveltrailerart.com/VintageTravelTrailerArt.htm
Why? Because everyone in my family lives like that for at least half the year. There's a lot of trailer presents to make.

Anyway....
I'm in the process of compiling just about every crochet design I have ever made. I had no idea how many there were. Like, at least a BAZILLION. And I thank the computer heavens for Photobucket, or else I would have lost all of the photos when my computer died. And that would make me cry.
Why am I compiling? Because I was asked to. By who? Or whom? Well. I think I will keep that under my hat for now. Will ya'll get to see the results of my compiling? Eventually. Are you all sick of reading the word 'compiling' yet?

This was a pretty unsatisfying post, wasn't it?
Well, what else do you want?

Am I sad that Fran and Hairy Barry are gone from the Amazing Race? Yes. Yes, I am. Am I hating team MOJO more and more each episode? Yes, as a matter of fact I am.

Do I now have to go to Walmart to fondle yarn?
How did you know?

Quick Question....

What does Trailer Trash Decor mean to you?

I told you it was quick.

Stashbuster Safety Helmet Backpack

A great way to stash your helmet and knee pads when you get to your
destination. Also a great way to use up some leftover yarn!

*Note: I haven't had anyone test this yet, so if you come across any errors, please email me at coffeecrochet@hotmail.com . Thanks!


Materials:


~4 colors of left over yarn. Total project takes about 2 and half to 3 ounces of yarn.
~Size 10mm Hook
~Size 7mm Hook
~Yarn Needle



Gauge:

You people and your gauges. Just wing it.

BAG

Using Color A and size 10mm hook, Chain 3, Slip Stitch into 1st ch made to form a loop.

RND 1: CH 3, 11 DC into loop, Sl St into top of ch 3 made, do not turn.
(12 stitches)

RND 2: Ch 3, 1 DC into same stitch as ch 3, 2 DC in each remaining dc around, Sl St
into top of ch 3 (24)

RND 3: Ch 3, 2 DC in next dc,* 1 DC in next dc, 2 DC in next, repeat from * until end of rnd,
Sl St into top of ch 3 (36)

RND 4: Ch 3, 1 DC in next dc, 2 DC in next dc * 1 DC in next 2 dc, 2 DC in
next dc, repeat from * until end of rnd, Sl St into top of ch 3 (48)

RND 5: Ch 3, 1 DC in each of the next 2 dc, 2 DC in next dc, * 1 DC in each
of the next 3 dc, 2 DC in next dc, repeat from * until end of rnd, Sl St into top
of ch 3 (60) (CHANGE TO COLOR B ON LAST PULLTHROUGH OF SL ST)

RND 6: With Color B, and using size 7mm hook, CH3, 1 DC in each of the
next 2 dc, Ch 3, Skip 2 dc, * 3 DC in next 3 dc, Ch 3, Skip 2 dc, repeat from
* until und of rnd, Sl St into top of ch 3.

RND 7: Sl St into next dc (center of 3 dc group), *Ch 5, Sl St into
2nd of next 3 dc group, repeat from * until end of rnd, ending with a
Sl St in the same as 1st sl st made.

RND 8: Sl St into next 3 ch (center of ch 5), Ch 3, 2 DC in same ch space,
Ch 3,* 3 DC in next ch 5 space, Ch 3, repeat form * until end of rnd, Sl St
into top of 1st ch 3.

RND 9: Repeat rnd 7. (change to color C on last pullthrough)

RND 10: Repeat rnd 8 in Color C.

RND 11: Repeat rnd 7 in Color C.

RND 12: Repeat rnd 8 in Color C.

RND 13: Repeat rnd 7 in Color C. (change to color D on last pullthrough)

RND 14: Repeat rnd 8 in Color D.

RND 15: Repeat rnd 7 in Color D.

RND 16: Repeat rnd 8 in Color D.

RND 17: Repeat rnd 7 in Color D. (change to color B on last pullthrough)

RND 18: Repeat rnd 8 in Color B.

RND 19: Repeat rnd 7 in Color B.

RND 20: Repeat rnd 8 in Color B. (change to color A on last pullthrough)

RND 21: Ch 3, 1 DC in next 2 dc, 2 DC in ch 3 space,* 1 DC in next 3 dc,
2 DC in next ch 3 space, repeat from * until end of rnd, Sl St into top
of ch 3

RND 22 (eyelets): Ch 3, 1 DC in next 3 dc, Ch 1, skip 1 dc,* 1 DC in next 4 dc,
Ch 1, skip 1 dc, repeat from * until end of rnd, Sl St into top of
ch 3

RND 23: Ch 3, 1 DC in each dc and ch around, Sl St into top of ch 3

RND 24: Ch 1, 1 SC in each dc around, Sl St into ch 1, fasten off.


STRAP


Using color A and size 7mm hook and leaving a 10 inch tail, Ch 101, turn.

1 SC in 2nd ch from hook, 1 SC in each remaining ch, Ch 1, turn,
1 SC in each sc across, Ch 1, turn, repeat until 4 rows are made, fasten off leaving another
10 inch tail.

Thread strap in and out of the eyelets. Sew both ends (being careful
not to twist the strap) to the area between rnds 5 and 6.

Hide all loose ends.

This pattern is Copyright© JB Designs 2006. All rights reserved.

Strawberries and Chocolate Pullover

Remember that pattern I kept blabbering about, getting testers for, and so on? Well, here it is. On sale. A low, low introductory price of 1 buck. Woohoo.
CLICK HERE to buy, or visit my patterns blog.

Tv? Reality? Tattoos? What?

All those who watch Amazing Race.....did ya'll just about have a stroke at the end, waiting to see if it was a non-elimination leg or not? I know I did. Ok. Maybe not a stroke. But it was very stressful. Those poor, poor hippies.

First off, I have to say, I hate those digging and searching tasks. There are always great teams that get eliminated because of them. And it's all about luck. Why don't they just send them to Vegas and have them play the slots to see who wins. I'd much rather the tasks involve some kind of skill.

And, since I am obviously now rooting for the hippies to win, that was stressful last night. But, it's OK, they're fine. Of any team that has EVER raced, they have the skills needed to get the money for the next leg. They are the most polite, friendly and respectful people ever to go on this show. Also, that imitation of Lake on the bus was the funniest AR moment ever!
Am I gushing?

On to something else.....who watched CSI NY (episode recap HERE)? I know. It was lame. Another stupid 'Tanglewood Boys' episode. Because we all think that's a believable facsimile of a New York gang. And that Sonny Sassone character is looking a lot crappier since the last episode he was in. But, of course, it was an opportunity for Danny to have a few of his big emotional overacting scenes that I HATE SO VERY VERY MUCH.

However, I was more interested in the last scene. The scene in which Stella realizes that her oh-so-dreamy older artist boyfriend (of which I can TOTALLY relate), Frankie Mala, is really a total perv and has put something creepy about her on the internet. For real. Go see. WWW.ARESANOB.COM . It's the character's last name, Bonasera, spelled backwards. And it's a real website. Only there's nothing on it yet but a quote. And it hints that he's not only a perv, but also a really creepy and scary stalker (of which I can also relate. What's with the older artistic types, man?).
Dudes. It's like real life and TV life have FINALLY merged!

I really do have a life outside of the TV, you know. I do.

For instance, I am going to go to a tattoo studio later this week to look at the artwork there. It's a really good place, rated in the top 3 in Canada. I don't have any 'tats' yet (did ya like the lingo there?). I have been reluctant to get one all these many, many years. Not because I don't like tattoos. I really do. But I've seen too many badly done tattoos to trust easily. And I have also spent all these many, many years trying to decide what I want to get.
They're permanent, ya know.
I once had the opportunity to train as a tattoo artist. I had to decline. It wasn't for me. I would hate to see all of my beautiful images, that I had worked on for hours or even days, get up and walk out the door forever. So sad.
So, now I think I have settled on what I want. Also, I would like to enjoy a tattoo for a few years before my skin sags right off my bones. I'm not telling what it is yet. But I'll show it off if it ever makes it's way onto my body.

Anyone have a tattoo? What is it? Where? Any horror stories? Hints and tips? Come on. Share.You know you wanna.

A Few Things That Bug Me

Just a few things to get off of my chest tonight. They've been bugging me.

• Fake bullet holes on cars. Who the Hell thought these things up? The only time we might be fooled by them is when they are on old and rusted out cars driving through the bad parts of town. Or maybe in Miami, if we are to believe CSI Miami. But on a minivan full of toddlers in Smalltown, Nowhere being driven by a dad in a golf shirt? Really? What could be stupider? I know. The same idiots that put the fake holes, with all the fake twisted metal, on the GLASS part of their minivan.

• Sweat pants with words on the ass. You know, words like Cute, Nasty, Sexy, Various Corporate Logos, Etc. I know. It looks good on a few of us. A VERY VERY small few (me not included in the few). And unless you look like a runway model, or Kelly Clarkson, or Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas, they don't look good on you. No. They really don't. Sorry. And, since most of the people wearing them that shouldn't be think that they DO look like Fergie (but really don't), I think that it would be safest to just ban them all together. An all out ban. That's it. The end. No pun intended. Ok. It was a little bit intended.

Ok, that's all that's bugging me tonight. I feel better now.

Coffee Crochet Patterns

Howdy, howdy, howdy.
Did ya'll have a good holiday? Too much chocolate?
Mine was OK. Not really all that different from regular weekends, except my kids got more spoiled than usual and I couldn't buy a Timmies on Sunday.
I've been busy, though. Designing. It's like I'm on a little design binge. Slightly less fun than a drinking binge, and not quite as yummy as a chocolate binge. But a binge it is.
So, I have created a second blog to house my sellable patterns. It's named, oddly enough, Coffee Crochet Patterns. Clever, no? It's just a way to find the patterns easily, in case you are interested. They are being sold on Ebay for the time being. If there is enough interest in the future, a website may be created.
So far there is just one pattern, but more are on the way.

I told you. It's a binge. It wouldn't be much of a binge if I only had one, would it?
The link will be added to my sidebar later. I'm about to take advantage of this morning's coffee binge by embarking on a cleaning and organizing binge.

Random Notes

~Yesterday I got a CatScan done at the hospital. And, after everyone asking me if I was OK, or scared, or if I wanted them to go with me to hold my hand, it was quite overwhelmingly unterrifying. I've had a worse time going to the movies. It was fast, completely painless, and I didn't even have to wear a paper hospital dress. It seemed a little like a smaller version of Stargate, or a great orbiting Cheerio. And it took about 2 minutes.

So, now I just have to wait and see if my doctor finds a tumor.

(Ok, everyone together now, in their best Arnold voice..."It's NAAAWt a tUUUmor.")

~My computer is also getting there. Not exactly the same as before, but I can't complain too much. I still can't get my favorites back. That sucks the most. So, for now, I am adding the blogs of anyone who replies to my posts to my computer's fav list. If I haven't visited you in a while, say 'hey' so I can remember how to get to your place.

~My patterns are going swimmingly. My testers have been busy little bees. I have another pattern just about written up that has been previously tested, so it's about ready to go, too. The hold-up was mostly photos, since I couldn't get my camera to upload to the other computer. But I can get them now. So now I just have to get my model to cooperate, and the sun to come out for ten whole minutes.

~Dinner will be a lovely a split pea soup made with Monday's birthday ham, served with sandwiches. Sandwiches are my husband's fav food. When he came home from Afghanistan the 1st time, he was interviewed at the airport for the news. He still had yet to see me and the oldest, and he hadn't even met the little one yet (she was 3 months). So the reporter asked him what he was looking forward to now that he was home after so long. He said "I just want to get home and see my kids and have a sandwich."

Hello? Sandwich? And what about your WIFE!?

So I now get to bug him endlessly about that, especially when I make sandwiches for dinner.

~My coffee is tasting off. It's kinda icky. It's the Cuisinart coffee maker that uses water filters, and when the filters are done, you can really tell. So, do I pour it out and suffer, or plug my nose and get my caffeine dose? Dilemma, yes?

~YAY! Lake and Michelle are gone! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA! Suckas!

~I was kind of impressed by Fran's bungee jump on The Amazing Race last night. Actually, really impressed. We used to pull our trampoline over to the garage when our parents were out, climb up to the roof via the shed, then jump off. Or, at least, everybody else would. I would just stand at the edge of the roof and stare the whole 5 and half feet down to the bouncy and virtually painless landing surface and then.....freeze. And stay there frozen until we saw a car pull into the end of the street and I had to get my ass off the roof as fast as possible so we wouldn't get busted. So, if I were Fran, and I got stuck doing that on the Amazing Race, I would probably still be standing there. At least until my husband got fed up and pushed me.

~That's it for now. Go see my tenant if you haven't already. Click on the thumbnail in the sidebar.

So. Here I am. Back on my old computer. Well, my old new computer, I guess. Whatever. It's been fixed. Woohoo.

What? I don't sound excited enough? What's my deal-io, you ask?

Ya. I got my computer back. Just like new. Like, BRAND NEW. With nothing on it. No files, no programs, no plug-ins, NOTHING.

Oh, wait. That's not true. There's a whole pile of picture and music files that were saved.
FOR MY HUSBAND! Who only uses the computer to play games and listen to music!

So, when the computer store told me that they had to replace the entire drive, and that they could transfer some files over to a slave drive and save some (ya. I just pretended I knew what that meant, too), and they asked me what the most important things to save were....well, why the HELL did they bother asking!

I specifically said that the music and games can go, but ALL IMAGE FILES NEED TO BE SAVED. Nope. Nothing of mine.

And get this! All of my husband's AND my oldest daughter's Favorites settings were saved. Mine? Nope. Not one. I have to start from scratch. Hundreds of crochet patterns, dozens of graphic and stock photo sources, all of the blogs that I hadn't had a chance to put on my blogroll, EVERYTHING. GONE!

I know. It's my own fault. I didn't back up. I know. And this happens on computers, I know. And I wouldn't be so mad if ALL of it was gone.

But, no. It's JUST MY STUFF.

From the computer store that is trying to accuse me of stealing a Windows XP cd and passing it on to friends.

I don't even know anybody here that would want it!

Anyway. Today will be spent trying to restore my poor computer to it's former glory. I have quite a bit to do, I think.

So, since I am busy, you should go and visit my new tenant, Southern Gal Goes North. Today's post has a link to a quiz to find out which Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion you are. My results are:
You are Heather Mooney! You're really smart, but WOW are you ever surly. You swear, drink, and smoke, and are brutally honest. You are outspoken and sarcastic, but a little intimidating and unpleasant. Not like you care, though.

That sounds about right (except that I quit smoking 4 years ago).

Book Review

Have any of ya'll read the 'Da Vinci Code' yet? I'm sure you have. I'm always the last one to read the bestsellers. I don't know why. I guess I just don't like doing the same thing as the masses. But my husband bought it. So now I'm reading it. And I can't believe how much I am loving it.
I'm about 3 quarters through it, and I am absolutely fascinated. And not because of the possible religious fallout the book implies. It's all about the art for me.
When I was quite young, in junior high school I think, I started getting interested in subliminal and hidden messages in art. Hidden words, secret images, double meanings, etc. Mostly in the old art, but some in modern art. Even a Rice Crispies commercial where Snap is flipping the bird. By high school, I was using the topic in any project I could. Speeches, book reports, even art projects. Yes, I have a few hidden meanings in some of my own art.
I was obsessed with looking for more. Since I found out that virtually every alcohol ad in a magazine has some strange hidden images, I have not been able to flip through a magazine without looking for them. Look for yourselves. They are usually skulls, demon faces or, um, ahem, phallic symbols. They are not sure why skulls and demons make people want to buy booze, but they've been using the trick for years and years.
Also, there was the whole 'stick it to the man' part of the art world. That's great. I love it. Starving artists would be commissioned to paint some stuck up little brat of an overly rich titled family. So he would. And add a little message somewhere on the painting, making it impossible to see unless you know it's there. Usually a dirty word on the forehead. Then he would tell all of his art friends about it. And OH how they would laugh!
When I went back to school as an adult, I managed to write a paper that included this again. It dealt with messages that were a bit less subtle. It was about how art influenced the industrial revolution. It was actually called 'Art and the Industrial Revolution'. Clever, eh? I thought it was great that artists would use their works as commentary to affect the social consciousness. It's a thoroughly dry and boring paper to anyone that isn't me, but I got a 99% on it. I still have it in my basement, hoping that someday, SOMEDAY, somebody will be fascinated enough to read it. Even my mom thought it was too boring too read, and she's an accountant!
Anyway.....I love this book, The Da Vinci Code. I have to figure out how to finish it today, as well as clean the house, make a birthday ham, bake a birthday cake, go pick up my fixed computer, wrap some presents and have a little birthday party for the little brat.

Validation!

Saturday was spent driving around Eastern Ontario with my family, looking for little antigue shops that charge too much money. Why? Because it's what we do. We saw a great antique iron bedframe for my oldest's room that we have been after forever, but they are a bit hard to find in double. It had been refinished and he was asking 500 bucks. Um. No thanks. We eventually found a second hand furniture store with a very similar frame, but missing most of the footboard (we didn't care) and needs to be repainted. For 39 bucks. And I bargained down to 30 bucks. And no tax. Mwahahahahaha. I love it.

So, driving around, my youngest, who turns 4 tomorrow, wanted to play a game.

"Mom, you be me, and I'll be you, OK?"

This sounded a bit like a bad idea, but I decided to go along with it. It went a bit like this:

Me Pretending to Be Little Brat:
MooooOOOoommmm....I'm HuuuunnnGGrry.

Little Brat Pretending to Be Me:
We don't have any food. You can eat tomorrow.

MPTBLB:
But I'm STARVING to death, Mom! I want a cookie.

LBPTBM:
No.

MPTBLB:
Pleeeaaaaaaaaasssse?!?!

LBPTBM:
No. We don't have any.

MPTBLB:
You can make some.

LBPTBM:
Tomorrow.

(At this point, I detected a theme. She really does get fed. I swear. She has a tapeworm or something.)

MPTBLB:
But MOOooooOOOOoooooOOOOm.......I'm bored. What can I do?

LBPTBM:
Bug your sister and leave me alone.

MPTBLB:
But she doesn't want to play with me! MOM!!!!

Little Brat NoT Pretending To Be Me ANYMORE:
You know what mom.....being you is hard.

AHA! Validation!

Choo-Choo

I need a maid.
And a cook.
And a nanny.
And a few young and shirtless handymen.

Any applicants? No?

Fine. I guess I'm on my own. That's just fine. I've got my coffee to get me through. Yes, I am still on the bean. I did completely give up Aspartame, though, and it seems to have helped lessen the migraines a bit.

I knew it wasn't the coffee. It wouldn't betray me that way.

Is it me, or am I completely rambling? Because if there ever was a train of thought to this post, it pulled out of the station without me.

And is it just me, or is Madonna starting to look more and more like Cathrine Willows, the slutty cougar mom from CSI?

Also....where is Shane on Survivor getting the crack cocaine from? It's an island. Are the locals sneaking it to him? The camera dudes? Maybe the producers just want to keep it interesting and are hoping he has an overdose. Is he sharing with the rest of them? Is that why they are doing his evil bidding and voting off whoever he says, knowing full well that he will stab them all in back for a drag off of a cigarette found in the gutter? Sheesh. Won't they feel embarrassed once the drugs wear off and they are all sitting in the jury box with matching "Boston" tattoos.

What was I talking about again?

Oh, right. Coffee. I'm going out for coffee tonight. Woohoo. Escape. Without kids and hubby. Of course, it's with a friend that was terrorized by fiber arts as a kid, so I can't talk shop with her. Her mom was a knitter and crocheter. Poor kid had "Stop talking, I'm counting!" yelled at her one too many times. Now, if I even try to mention yarn, her eyes get a kind of glassy look.

In the meantime, I am working on too many things again. I have a few projects that are about 90 percent done, which we all know is the most likely time for them to be put down and never picked back up again. I am determined to finish them, though. I also have about 5 patterns from past projects to type up, and a half dozen new ideas for patterns I haven't written yet.

My banister is ALMOST done, but it needs a few more coats. Lots of sticky fingers will be touching each and every spindle on the way up and down those stairs, so I want to be sure there is a lot of protective layers of paint.

My house is a mess. Which brings me back to requiring a maid. Sigh.

Now, where is that train?

Ding Dong

Remember Jonathan and Victoria from The Amazing Race season 6? They're hard to forget. In fact, they even have their own website, now. No, really. They just can't seem to let loose their teeny tiny little hold on infamy. Go see their website. HERE.

I hate them. Why? Well, yes, I hate them because they're assholes. But that's why they were picked for the show, wasn't it? No, it's because of my husband. Because they turned him into a wannabe asshole.

You see, Canadians are not allowed on the Amazing Race. And we want in. Bad. Especially me and my husband. (My mom claims that she wants it more than I do, but she would never make it. Sorry, Mom, you're old and diabetic. You'd eat my dust)

We watch every episode of every season. Even the boring family edition. We decide which detour to do. We choose which of us would be best at which roadblock (he eats all things gross and jumps from high things, I go into any place that might be hiding bats and solve all puzzles, he can handle all the camel riding since he's actually done that before, and I would sell all the stinky fish in the market since I'm great at retail). We even practice mispronouncing all the names of the cities we would visit.

We're all set. We would kick ASS on that show.

But, we're Canadian. So they won't let us in the club.

So, after watching Jon and Vicky, hubby decided that the only way to get on the show was to be one of the biggest assholes to ever walk the face of the earth. He started practicing. On me. Every time we were walking down a street or in a mall for the next 6 months, he would start yelling at me "Come ON Victoria! Let's GO!!!" in a total asshole voice. There were other comments that were direct copies of statements that Jonathan made on the show, but quite frankly, I blocked them out.

Not that I took my husband seriously, since he's the most laid back guy I know, but you can only try to convince the general public that you are not being abused so many times. Then it gets really embarrassing.

Now I have a new problem. Ya'll watched last night, right? Ya'll saw how Lake told Michelle that he is 'overruling her'. Thanks a lot, Lake. I will now be 'overruled' about every little thing as soon as we are in public.

And did he really have to call Michelle a Ding Dong? Really? Because I was called a Ding Dong at least 16 times before we went to bed last night. And a few times this morning.

Please....CBS. PLEASE let Canadians on. I want my normal husband back.

Also, what the hell were those stupid things Lake and Michelle were wearing at the end? Didn't anyone tell Michelle that that was possibly the most unflattering thing she could have EVER done to her boobs?

Done and Done

There! The new pattern has been sent to the testers. If you applied as a tester and have not received a pattern, please let me know in the comment section here.

I probably would have been done a bit sooner, but I had been planning to get it finished while watching Amazing race last night. Why didn't anyone tell me it wasn't on? I ended up going to bed early to re-read the last Harry Potter book.

I have quite a few other patterns in the wings, but I need a short crochet break. As much as I love it, my hands don't. They can get quite stiff and sore if I don't take the odd rest. I will be spending the rest of the day painting my banister. Yes, I'm still doing that. I was sick for a while. I really didn't feel like painting. So there.

And, since I have nothing else of any interest to say, I will leave it at that for now. If anything remotely fascinating happens within the confines of my house in the next little while, you can be sure it will be fully reported to ya'll.

Help Wanted ~ Apply Within

What's with the food fixation, guys? Ice cream choclate covered cherries, poodles?
Just kidding. That's kind of what I was thinking, too. Ok, not the poodle thing, but I can definately see it now.

I had the same problem with the neopolitan ice cream idea, too, because it's just not neopolitan ice cream with out the vanilla. Maybe I will create something else later with the 3 colors, and use neopolitan ice cream in a future title. I wonder how many times I can say 'neopolotin ice cream' before ya'll stop reading.

I had been leaning towards chocolate cupcakes with pink frosting, but that seemed like an akward and long title. And it also makes me feel hungry. And a little bit fatter. And since none of ya'll thought of that, obviously a dumbass idea.

I think I will have to hold off on the title for a bit, until the whole thing is ready to go. They do that with books and movies, ya know. Wait until the very, very end to name it.

Anywho.....since this is a pattern I have spent a lot of time on, AND since I really want a new (used and crappy) tent trailer, and a playground set for the brats, and my chimney rebuilt before it falls and kills my dog, and my septic tank pumped out (ew), and a new patio canopy, and some pretty pretty flowers for my yard, and laminate floors, and a printer since I am the last computer geek alive without one, and a sewing machine so my windows can have pretty pretty curtains, and don't forget computer repairs....I will be charging a teeny tiny amount of money for it. Not a lot. Just a teeny tiny bit.

So, I am going to need a pattern tester. Interested? Job requirements are:
~You have to know how to crochet. Duh.
~Experience with making garments, as in more than scarves and baby blankets. Nothing wrong with those, but this involves a bit more (pssst, it's a pullover sweater).
~A toddler, about size 3, to give it to. Unless you want your medium sized dog to wear it later. A girl would be good, unless you know a 3 year old boy that likes pink.
~Yarn. Sorry, I can't provide it. But the good news is....it's really cheap yarn and it's super easy to find.

If you think you'd like to give it a whirl, please email me at coffeecrochet@hotmail.com. Please don't ask for the job unless you are actually going to make this item. I would require a photo sent to me of the completed project and any thoughts you have on the readability of the pattern.

I'm still finishing writing it all up, but it won't take long. I'm planning to watch my season one, disc one, of House later, so I can sit still and get it finished. I love that show. I can't believe I missed the 1st and 2nd seasons.

So..uh....ya. That's it. Nothing left to see here. I'm busy. So, beat it. Go on. Get out of here!

But come back later.

I Can't Think of a Damn Title

I've just spent the entire morning trying to install my camera software to this stupid computer. Which is STILL the old computer. But it won't work.

But I have called the computer store to ask about getting the other one repaired. SO they asked me to produce the Windows disk that they gave me when I bought it from them. But I never GOT a Windows disk from them. So they have informed me that in 10 years of business, nobody has ever told them they missed giving them the windows disk. Or maybe, just maybe, nobody else has noticed. And maybe, just maybe, a mistake could possibly be made at least once in 10 years. Unless they are perfect, of course. Perfect Jackasses.

And, since I cannot express myself using photos, I am reverting to smilies.

I HATE smilies.

In the meantime, I have been feverishly working to complete a new pattern. It's really cute. I have already made one for my little one. She loves it. I am working on a second one so that I can finalize all of the pattern notes. I'd LOVE to show it to ya'll, but ya know, camera issues and all. The only problem is that I don't have a name for it.

So, here's the deal. I need ya'll to look at the following colors, and tell me what they make you think of. Don't be scared. It's not a trick question.

And.....GO.

Sunday Funnies

I've discovered a blog that ya'll HAVE to go visit. And bookmark it. And read it every day. And laugh your ass off.

Why?

Cow jokes. That's why.

http://wwwstik.blogspot.com/