Thursday, June 22, 2006

The Pain is in the Neck

I have come to a very important conclusion about my life. It's about trust. More precisely, it's about who I can trust.

It seems to me that you, my internet pals, my world wide web of buddies, my online confidants, are the only people left in the whole universe that I can trust.

Because I know (KNOW), that if we were to go out drinking somewhere (a bar, a school dance, a wedding function, whatever), and I were to say to you, in all seriousness, 'Please, for the love of Folgers, PLEASE, do not let me drink and dance. Sure, it may be funny to see me trying to recreate the video for that Dee-lite one-hit-wonder Groove is in the Heart. Or watching me jump around to the classic Canadian drunken dancing wedding song, Home for a Rest. Or getting pictures of me thinking I dance just like Shakira does when she bellydances. But it's not funny in the sober afterwards when I have a hurt neck. It's just not funny,' I know you all would agree that a hurt neck is indeed not very funny, and you would stop me from drunk dancing.

You would resist the urge to watch me making an ass of myself. I know you would resist.

Because I can trust you.

Unlike all of my friends in high school that got me drunk before the school dance (not that I EVER had booze underage) and sent me forth to groove to Billy Idol and Salt n' Peppa.

Or, unlike my later friends, who would take me to the headbanger bars and buy me a crazy little drink called a Ghostbuster, with an unknown alcohol content, and then sent me out into the headbanging arena with songs by Metallica and Def Leopard.

Or, apparently, like my very own father, who has never before seen me drunk and dancing, and wanted as many photos as possible so as to show everyone else in the family, who will now surely try to feed me alcohol in order to view the spectacle in person.

OR even my husband, who has seen me drunk before, and who also likes to encourage me to drunk dance, but is usually a lot more concerned for my welfare and stops me before any injury occurs. Until recently.

And now my RL (real life) friends, who I have whined to about my current state of stoned-on-Robax due to whiplash, who are now plotting and planning a way to get me drunk enough to witness said dancing.

Why? WHY?

Can they not see the pain I am in? I know ya'll understand. I know you do. And you would NEVER do that to me. It really, really hurts. I can't even CROCHET, dammit all.

And yes, there will be photos (I knew you would ask). Eventually. My computer died again, and it's in the shop again, so I am on the old crappy computer again. When I get the "good" one back, my dad will, I'm sure, send me the evidence (in which I will then photoshop myself just a smidge skinnier). I do believe all of the dancing photos also include the wedding shawl I made. So, ya know, two birds and all that.

In the meantime.....praise the Folgers and pass the Robax!


Blogger Unknown said...

I'm sorry you hurt your neck... But those pictures have to be priceless right???? I would however stop you, I think....LOL Have a good one!!

9:45 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm.... I don't know.... I just don't know....

Besides, Tara... haven't you heard you're not supposed to trust people on the Internet? ;)

Would it make you feel better to know that I've been in your situation? More than once? But I was most definitely NOT the bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding who lifted her dress and mooned the video camera.

10:41 a.m.  
Blogger Tara said...

My mom just called. She said she heard I was a "pisspail" (her words). Apparently the photos are making the rounds. Nice.

12:25 p.m.  
Blogger Stephknits3 said...

The chills that you
Spill up my back
Keep me filled with
Satisfaction when we're done
Satisfaction of what's to come

Can't wait to see the pictures! :)

12:31 p.m.  
Blogger Christy said...

Oh Tara, I just don't know what to say- you have the incredible ability to tell a story, and you make me chuckle!

I'm not chuckling at your neck pain by the way- I have had some major back pain too, there is nothing remotly plesant about that!! Hang in there, and try to enjoy the drugs.....

12:54 p.m.  
Blogger Sus said...

Oh my. That happens to me. And I'm often not drunk. I apparently simply can't come to terms with the fact that I'm not 16 anymore and my poor neck isn't accustomed to headbanging. But it feels so good at the time! Maybe you can try 'interpretive dance' to slower songs like Careless Whisper (a la Romy & Michelle). That works for me! ;)

In the meantime, do enjoy some nice muscle relaxers. Or wine. Lots of wine.

9:13 p.m.  
Blogger Shell said...

I draw the line when you impeed anyone's ability to craft. Ofcourse I do the crazy stuff when I'm sober. I'm too scared I'll hurt myself when I'm drunk. I guess alcohol impeeds my Ego. Not like anyone beleves me.

Robaxasal is my savior. Feel better soon

9:27 p.m.  
Blogger Jana said...

well.......sounds like good a ol' prairie girl drunken wedding/party injury. been there done that. done that as in fracturing my tibia on a trampoline at a grad party. you're thinking, duh! a trampoline? those things are death traps. except that i didnt fall off the trampoline. drunken trampoline dancing = 1 full leg cast for the entire summer after grad. good times.
hope your neck feels better and just thank fricking folgers that we live in canada and can buy over the counter drugs like robax!!

1:50 a.m.  

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