Monday, July 31, 2006

Board Meeting Minutes

Loyal Order of Scary Spiders (L.O.S.S.), Tara's House Local Branch
(Board Meeting Minutes: July 30th, 2006)
(12:23 AM, Located in the skylight above Tara's head when she sleeps.)

Board Members:
Present: Doug, Phil, Scary Barry, Wiggly William, One-eyed Bob, Jessica, Charlotte, David "Daddy" Longlegs, Archie Arachnid, Raunchy Rhonda
Absent: Babs the Widow
Quorum present? Yes
Others Present: Betty the Scary Image Consultant

~Meeting called to order at 12:23 a.m. by Chair, One-Eyed Bob
~June's meeting minutes were amended and approved·

Chief Executive's Report:

~ Recommends that if we are not able to scare the bejeezers out of Tara at least once a day that we should step up scary-ness and continue attempts throughout fall and winter. After brief discussion, board agreed.

~Staff member, Wiggly William, has returned from the Scary Spider 2006 convention in Las Vegas. After a short presentation on new techniques and tools that can be used to scare the pants off of Tara, Wiggly was then invited to attend the convention in 2007 and report back with a similar presentation.

~Scary Barry brought to the board's attention the negative publicity, published by Tara, that is also being supported by the general blogging community. Betty the scary image consultant, who was invited to attend this meeting, was then consulted as to various ways in which the general blogging public can be brought over to 'the dark side.' Jessica laughed at the joke, but the rest of the board did not. Betty's recommendations will be written in a memo and distributed before the next board meeting.

~ Charlotte mentioned that staff member, Babs the Widow, lost another husband due to a stomping incident. MOTION to send a gift to Babs, expressing the organization's sympathy and support; seconded and passed.

Finance Committee report provided by Chair, David "Daddy" Longlegs:
~Longlegs explained that we are spiders and therefore do not use money. After a brief discussion on what to do about the financial portion of future meetings, MOTION to stop pretending like we even know what money is beyond something to hide behind to scare the living hell out of Tara; seconded and passed.

Board Development Committee's report provided by Chair, Archie Arachnid:
- Archie reminded the Board of the scheduled spider retreat coming up in three months at the water spout (weather permitting), and provided a drafted retreat schedule for board review. MOTION to accept the retreat agenda; seconded and passed.

~ Archie presented members with a draft of the reworded By-laws paragraph that would allow members to conduct actions over electronic mail. Charlotte suggested that Archie get his head out of his ass and reminded him that we are spiders and do not use computers beyond hiding behind them to scare the crap out of Tara. Archie agreed to accept this action and notify members of the outcome in the next Board meeting.

Other business:
~ Scary Barry noted that he had hired his nephew, Terrifying Terry, to help with the rebuilding of the giant scary web that had been damaged in last weeks storm. The board welcomes Terry.

Assessment of the Meeting:
~ Phil noted that the past three meetings have run over the intended two-hour time slot by half an hour. He asked members to be more mindful and focused during discussions, and suggested that the Board Development Chair take an action to identify solutions to this issue. Chair, One-Eyed Bob, agreed.

~Phil also noted that only a few of the board members are providing Timbits and coffee for the meeting and feels that everyone should bring their own damn coffee and snacks. Board discussed and disagreed. Phil will need to keep providing Timbits and coffee.

Meeting adjourned at 2:45 a.m.
Minutes submitted by Secretary, Raunchy Rhonda.

Tara vs Spiders

That's it. I give up. They've won.

They can have my house, my yard, my kids. Whatever. I'm packing up and leaving.

I can't take these damn scary spiders anymore! I can't pick up laundry off the floor or move a couch to vacuum without finding one. And I don't mean cute little nursery rhyme spiders. Big, fat, hairy, horror movie spiders.

I was reading a book and one scampered across the page I was reading. What the hell????? They are totally planning this! This is a conspiracy.

And I know where the ringleader lives. On my new shed. Right up under the shingles. And he has a web. A big, giant, scary, catch-a-man-alive-and-slowly-suck-the-life-out-of-him kind of web. Look:

This is the lead spider.

This is PART of the area his web covers.

This is just an example of the poor buggers that get caught in it.

And that's just the outdoor variety. The indoor ones are even scarier, with their beady little eyes and their clipboards with a checklist of people they want to scare the life out of. I think I am on the list more than once.

So, I'm out of here. As long as they give the kids three meals a day and walk the dog, they can have the house. They can move into my room and lay around in bed and watch movies. They can take showers and baths in my bathroom and crawl up and down every drain pipe they want. Heck, they can even wear my clothes. I need new ones, anyway. As long as they don't touch my yarn.

Oh GAWD, I didn't even think if they are in my yarn!

If anyone is looking for me, ask the damn spiders.

Friday, July 28, 2006

I Drew!

First of all, a little background:

I'm not one for false modesty. Never have been. Either I am good at something, or I'm not. For instance, I rock at crochet. Knitting, I suck at. These are just facts. As far as drawing goes...well. I used to rock. A lot. I mean I was gooooood. And I loved it, too.

But then life happened. Kids. Work. Stress. Injuries. Etc. I didn't get a lot of chances to draw. And when I did, it sucked. A lot.

Ya see, the problem is pride. And standards. Based on how great I used to be, my standards were very high. So, when I did try to draw after years with no practice, and it sucked (according to my previous standards) I would get frustrated and stop. My pride was at stake. There was no WAY anyone was ever allowed to see my attempts. Which is why they always ended up in the garbage.

Earlier today, I had a sudden urge. To draw. Not sure why, but I decided to be brave and go with it. I spent a good hour in the basement digging out my old pencils and sketch pad. The spiders had made a nice little neighborhood, but I evicted them. The bastards. Then I locked myself in my room and I drew a picture.

And it SUCKS!

But that's OK! For the first time in 12 years, I have drawn something and not thrown it in the garbage. In fact, I got past the initial drawing stage (which sucked) and kept going into the shading stage (which also sucked). I loved it! The feel of the paper, the dirty fingers, trying to get just the right light in just the right area.


I'm about to show you the drawing (when I am done rambling). Please keep in mind that it sucks, and I know it. So don't tell me it doesn't. I know some of you may want to say 'It's better than I can do." And while I doubt it, that's not the point of showing it. Because it's not better than I can do. I could draw better than this in grade 5. But, showing it to the whole world wide web is a little like therapy. Because I actually completed a drawing and now I need a record of it. So I don't get all scared and prideful and hide in my little scaredy-cat hole where drawing never happens again. I need to practice. Start from the beginning, drawing my hands and shading circles and so on. And I will. Maybe.

Ok, here it is:

Click for bigger view, if you dare.

No compliments. Just be proud of me for showing ya'll.

Friend of a Friend Friday

It's a bit late. I know. I slept in.

Ya know when you wake up all refreshed in the morning? And then you realize that it's because it's 10:30 and you slept in HOURS past your usual morning wake-up time? And then your sleep fogged brain finally clues in that your four year old NEVER sleeps past 8:00 in the morning, at which point she ALWAYS comes into your room and in that oh-so-cute-and-entirely-annoying way starts poking and begging for food? So then your first thought (although it would be more rational had you been brought a coffee in bed but when the hell does THAt ever happen) is that she's dead? That she somehow twisted herself up in blankets until she was trapped face down on a pillow? With the cat holding her down? So you go running into her room to heroically perform CPR and chase away the cat, only to find her happily sitting on her bed reading a story about a princess to said murderous cat?

Don't you hate when that happens? It's OK. I have my coffee now.

So, today's friends of friends that you should go visit are:

Back to the Drawing Board


Brain Smatter

Asuming they all woke up OK. Go vivist my tenant, too.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Who thinks Blogger sucks today? Raise your hand!
I am having far too many problems with it to bother with a post of substance today. Ha! That's some nerve I have, implying that the rest of my blog has substance. Whatever. I'll try later.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Bobble Brat

I'm starting to wonder to myself if I need some more productive hobbies. Besides crochet. But it's too hot for that.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Summer Lovin'

Maybe hubby has just been away for too long now, but isn't this just the sweetest thing?

Do ya'll think they cuddle later on?

The Moneybag Theory

I've noticed something in my years of living that has led me to form a theory.

I've noticed that the bigger the purse I carry, the more crap I need to carry in it. Conversely, if I don't carry a purse at all, I suddenly don't seem to need 86 pens, a spool of thread, 14 hair elastics, 6 lip balms and a tub of play-doh with me at all times. Just in case.

This also works on basements. I didn't have a basement in my apartment, and my stuff all had places to go. Then we moved to a house with a basement. And the basement filled up. When we were moving to a house with no basement, we had to get rid of the accumulation. Now that we are back in a house with a bigger basement, there is more crap.

Closets, junk drawers and toy boxes also seem to have the same problem. It's just like the Koi fish. They will grow to match the size of their pond. Items will multiply to match the size of their environment.

I've decided to test this theory. Make it work for me.

I'll let ya'll know how it goes.

If you want to test this theory as well, here's the quickie pattern to make your own moneybag:


~Small amount of white or off-white, small amount of green, small amount of brown. Worsted or cotton would both work.

~Standard pickle jar (optional)


Row 1:

With white or off-white ch 25, 1 hdc in 2nd ch from hook, 1 hdc in each ch until end of row (24) turn.

Row 2,

Ch 1, 1 hdc in each hdc across, turn.

Row 3-24:

Continue as with row two, changing to green according to the chart.

Note* The blue on the chart indicates eyelet holes, not a color change.

Row 25:

Ch 1, 1 hdc in next 2 hdc, ch 1, skip 1 hdc, 1 hdc in each hdc until 3rd last hdc, ch 1, skip 1 hdc, 1 hdc in remaining 2 hdc, turn.

Row 26:

Ch 1, 1 hdc in each hdc and ch 1 space across, turn.

Row 27-28:

Repeat as row 2. Fasten off.


Repeat steps for the front, but without using the chart or changing colors. Do not fasten off at the end of the last row. Hold both sides together right side facing out and attach together using slip stitches around the sides and bottom of the bag.


Chain 75 with brown, fasten off. Put through eyelet holes and tie in the front.

Hide loose ends. Tada.

Monday, July 24, 2006

I'm trying to blog, but blogger won't let me. I'm posting this from to see if it works. Please amuse yourself with a photoshopped image of my dad. I'm currently awaiting his retaliation.


Thanks to Brandy for supplying another gnome in which to plant my dear father's face. I wonder why he hasn't called me lately.....

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Cleaning Day Tunes

Yes, these are actually our wedding rings
Today is cleaning day.

While my usual choice for ear candy while cleaning is talk radio, I HATE the talk station around here on Saturdays. It's always a paid program where the host talks about the most boring product or service known to man (i.e. investing for retirement, fur storage, jewelry cleaning, banquet hall rental, etc) in which the host acts as if it's the most fascinating news he's heard all year. And all of the callers ask a stupid question, then as if they didn't hear the last 20 calls they ask for the address. BORING.

So, today I looked through my cds. All dozen of them. Five or so were purchases through the years, but I have a few that were either given to me or were compilations from the computer, before I was on dial up and could actually download a song or two. I found the cd I made for the DJ at my wedding. It was to make sure he had access to certain songs that we definitely wanted him to play. I hate when djs have limited song selection.

You'd think someone that hardly listens to music wouldn't care. So, I'm a contradiction. Sue me.

Anyway. Since it's Saturday, and nobody is home on a nice summer Saturday anyway, I thought I'd bore ya'll with the list of songs from my wedding reception. Plus, my big whoppin' 5 year anniversary is in 20 days and hubby might miss it.....again. I'm being maudlin.

First dance song:
There For Me ~ Sarah Brightman
(not only do we love Sarah Brightman for her music, it was also the cd that started us dating. We were hanging at the bar with mutual friends and while we were playing darts he used the line "I got a new cd back at my apartment. Wanna come listen to it?" Which works, by the by. So it was a bit of an inside joke that my family didn't know about. Ha ha.)

Everybody Needs Somebody ~ Blues Brothers
(I think my husband wanted this one, but I can't remember why. Just a good song, I guess)

Hooked On a Feeling ~ Blue Swede
(Just a happy and fun dancing song for me. You know. The dancing baby dance. Don't pretend you don't know)

Lime in the Coconut ~ Harry Nilsson
(Again, great dancing song. Especially for the drunks)

Dancing Queen ~ Sixpence None the Richer
(Dedicated to my sister who HATES being the center of attention, so we dragged her onto the dance floor and had everybody trap her there while dancing around her. It was awesome. She hates me for it, but it was my wedding. I can torture a sibling at my own wedding, can't I?)

Kung Fu Fighting ~ Carl Douglas
(Well, why not?)

Ring of Fire ~ Johnny Cash
(Another request from hubby. I think it's one of his drinking songs)

Minority ~ Eve6
(I HAD to dance and jump around to that song in my wedding dress.)

Into the Mystic ~ Van Morrison
(Just one of my fav all time 'belt it out loud in the car' songs.)

The Wanderer
(Hubby thought this would be funny to play on our wedding day. Hardy har har. What a funny guy.)

As it turns out, drunken wedding dancing songs also work great as sober cleaning songs. Who knew? Ironically, neither one of us got drunk that day.

What did you insist on at your wedding? Or will? How about your first dance song?

Friday, July 21, 2006


I'm stumped.

I am working on a project that requires a large spurt of creativity. Not usually a big problem, but right now it is. A little problem, anyway. I am supposed to get ready 12 sketchs for some new crochet designs, for the possibility of using them in a publication. I was asked to do 12, but I am stuck at 4. I know there are more in me, but I've been so stressed lately with hubby gone and money being tight and an upcoming 3 week road trip with my kids, who can't seem to to bickering for all of 30 whole damn seconds. When am I supposed to be creative?

When I was younger and I had a need to boost the creative juice levels, usually to finish an art project or write a brilliant paper on a boring topic, I would generally resort to whisky or coffee. I don't have any whisky now, and even if I did my neck still remembers the last time I got 'creative' and danced all night. And overdosing on coffee at the 24 hour truck stop with bottomless cups was fine in my early twenties, when it didn't really matter if I stayed up all night with an odd buzzing sound inside my head.

I wonder if ice cream will help me now? I suspect I will just stay up really late until my brain enters that not quite awake but much more uninhibited state and then stay up another 3 or 4 hours getting a few more sketches done.

I hope.

Friend of a Friend Friday

Today's friends of friends that ya'll should go visit are:

Smart Bitches, Trashy Books
(I can't believe I haven't seen this one before. I love trashy romances. Ya, you heard me.)

(Just plain cute and funny)

Craft Kitten
(crocheter. Nuff said)

And go visit my tenant (thumbnail in the sidebar), too.

And if that's STILL not enough for you, go re-read the rest of my blog. Just kidding.

Hydro Rant

I had some fun and enlightening conversations with my electric company during the blackout. And, me being me, I am sharing them with ya'll. Ain't that sweet?

To start with, a little explanation. My power company is called Hydro. Hydro, we all know, means water. So, for the rest of the world that calls the water company the water company and the power company the power company, just know that we don't do that here in Ontario. I have come across this language barrier a few times moving from Alberta to Ontario and back few times. Because if you tell an Albertan that you have a hydro bill to pay, they assume you are paying your water bill.

So, if you're an Albertan, or a non-Ontarioan for that matter, don't worry. I'm not befuddled. My utility companies are.

When the power went off about 7 or 7:30 on Monday night, and the storm hit and the power didn't come on right away, I called the 'Power Outage Line' which is a one eight hundred number designed to keep you up to date.

Luckily, I am smart enough to keep a regular phone. How many people only have cordless phones so that in a blackout they can't use them. Come on. Raise your hands.

So, I called the outage line and the recorded message lady said:
A power outage has been reported in your area (duh). Electricity is expected to be restored at 10:00 PM on July 17th.

Ok. So that's not bad. Put the kids to bed, read by candlelight, wake up in the morning to the power back on. But it wasn't. So I called again.
A power outage has been reported in your area (duh). Electricity is expected to be restored at 12:00pm on July 18th.

All right. Whatever. We'll go and fight the masses of other electricity challenged folk that want a little breakfast and coffee at the mall, walk around a while, then go home at noon. Where it still wasn't back on. So I called again:
A power outage has been reported in your area (duh). Electricty is expected to be restored at 10:00 PM on July 17th.

What? What happened? Do they actually mean yesterday, or a year from yesterday? What? So, I called again. But, instead of getting another message, I did the old trick where you push ############# until they computer gives up and sends you to a real person. I spoke with a very nice young man named Derek. It went like this:

Me: Why has the estimated time changed from noon today until 10 pm last night?
Derek: Well, the estimates change as we go.
Me: Yes, but do they go backwards?
Derek: Oh. That is odd, isn't it?
Me: Yes. So, can I get a real time now, please?
Derek: It says about 3:00 pm.
Me: And how confidant are you?
Derek: Weeellllllllll.............
Me: Ok, let me put it this way. If you lives in the country and you had a few kids and you couldn't shower or flush your toilet or give the dog water, and you called Hydro and asked what time the power came back on, and you were told 3 Pm, would YOU stay home, or would you go visit in-laws for the night?
Derek: Oh, I'd leave.

Thank you Derek. Honesty is refreshing. After confirming with him that I can check my electrical status from any phone, I packed us up and drove to Ottawa. Once there, I called back and spoke to a young lady, but I can't remember her name.

Me: I just want to know if I have power yet.
Her: I'm sorry, I don't have an estimate.
Me: What happened to 3 pm?
Her: They are still investigating.
Me: Ok, now I'm two hours away from home and can't see if my lights turn on. How can I find out if I have power again?
Her: Oh, just call here every three hours or so. We can tell you.

Ok. So I did. A few times that night, where there were still no estimates. The last guy I got, no name, was a surly bastard that kept reminding me that 13000 people had lost power. Ya. I know. But you are talking to ME, dumbass.

In the morning, I called again and the estimate was 3 pm. Ok. I didn't really believe it, but I decided to drive home without the kids and make sure the house was secure and all that. My in law would drive them home later, once the power was on. As I was just leaving the Tim Hortons drive thru, my cell rang. A friend of mine (who never lost power) sent her husband to check on the house. He saw lights.

What? So, I called back my pals at hydro. Another young man, but not nearly so personable.

Me: How come the estimate says 3 pm, but a friend saw lights on?
Him: If a friend saw lights on, I would go with that.
Me: I'm a 2 hour drive away, I need you to confirm it.
Him: Oh, we can't tell if the power is back on at a house.

WHAT?!?!?! What the hell?! Why have I been calling the last 2 days? Why has everyone been telling me to call back and see if my power is on??? WHY? Was this some kind of sick hydro office worker joke????

So, we drove home and had power. But I was totally ticked off of the idiots on the phone. I'm tempted to buy a generator, just so I don't have to talk to those idiots again.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Big Storm

Have you ever seen what it's like when 13,000 people don't have the electricity to make coffee......but ONE Time Horton's does? Chaos. Absolute and utter chaos.

It started monday night. I was working on some new crochet designs (which if all works out I can tell ya'll about in a year or so) and watching The Pink Panther with my kids. It was quiet. No storm.

Then we lost the power.

So, we sat around for awhile, waiting for it to come back on. Unfortunately, four year olds do not have the mental capacity to grasp what a power outage means, and ask CONSTANTLY if they can watch TV until the power comes back on.

After a few hours of sitting and waiting and melting in the heat with no fans, we decided to go into town and see if there was power at the mall. I know, you're not supposed to go out in a blackout, but we live in the country. There's no traffic lights, anyway.

Just after I strapped Little Brat into her booster seat, I went to go inside to find out what was taking Big Brat so long to get her darn pair of shoes. It looked like it might rain in a while, so I didn't want to wait too long to start driving.

That's when I heard it. Yup. Heard it. I looked to the right of my house to see huge rolling black clouds racing towards us as fast as a car. The 50 foot pine trees were spinning. I had run to car and yank Little Brat out, get back to the house and close the door. It was like right out of the movies. Well, the bad overacting movies, anyway.

Then it hit. Not quite tornado, but definately something twisting. It was like a tornado that just didn't have the ambition to get up to full tornado status.

Now, I'm a prairie gal from Alberta. Tornado warnings are a normal part of the summer there. I've spent many a summer evening sitting in the basement, waiting for the roof to fly away. I've even seen tornados touch down from my basement window. But, I don't think I have EVER seen a storm like the one on Monday night. It was just bizarre. I don't know how else to explain it.

MIA electricity aside, we got off lucky. The screens on my front porch blew out, but I put them back up with a staple gun. Closer to town, there were plenty of hundred year old tress that were completely uprooted.

After one night of no power, and one more storm, I fled to the inlaws in Ottawa. Power finally came back on yesterday morning, so I drove home. There is still a rant coming regarding my conversations with teh power company, but that will be later.

(Read about it in the NEWS)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


Is there ANYTHING that Wikipedia doesn't know? I was trying to look up how long my frozen meats can last without electricity, and here are a few fun and interesting Wikipedia pages I happened upon:

Running gags in 'Friends'.
Barbapapa (one of my fav shows when I was a kid, but nobody ever seems to remember it but me....but Wikipedia knows!)
Drinking Games
Mike the Headless Chicken

Wow. Look all the crap we can learn off the internet. All right. Off to throw out the contents of my fridge, a little bit wiser and a little bit less likely to have chicken for dinner.
Big storm. Lots of wind, rain, thunder and lightening, a lot of drama. We lost power Monday night at 7:00 PM and just got it back. Had to go visit inlaws in Ottawa until we could open our fridge or flush the damn toilet. I'll elaborate more once I have my house back in order. Big rant on the way. Heads up.

Monday, July 17, 2006


What do the poor kids do on a hot summer day when the mice in the shed have chewed through the cheap plastic pool from last summer?


We're living the high life now. Just wait for the hot tub.


What was that big thunk on my window late last night that scared the hell out of me?


Ohhhhhh. Right.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Hot Shawl-colate ~ Free Crochet Pattern

This FREE pattern is still available at
CLICK HERE to go right to the pattern.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Friend of a Friend Friday

I know. It's friend of a friend friday. And I'm here to provide those friends of friends. I'm just not in the best frame of mind, though, so it's kind of half-assed. Not that the blogs are half-assed. Just my attitude as I sip coffee and randomly click on sidebars.

I'm having a money stress day. I hate when this happens. Ya know, when you wake up at 3 in the morning and wonder where your next yarn is coming from.

I'm good with money, though, so it all works out. And heck, that's what Ebay is for.

S0, today's friends of friends you should go visit are:

It's About Nothing


Will Pillage for Yarn (because right now, I would)

So go, visit. Don't hang around here. I'll be more interesting tomorrow.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The List

I found this insane list over at Saving Nine. And I have nothing new to write about, since I haven't left the house in 2 days. So, here's my list:

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink (nope, too cheap)

02. Swam with wild dolphins (again, too cheap)

03. Climbed a mountain (a small one, yes)

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive (no, but a few Corvettes, which are far superior)

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid (nope)

06. Held a tarantula (ah gawd, YES! And then I dropped it)

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (well....ummm....yes. But it wasn't as much fun as one might think)

08. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it (every day)

09. Hugged a tree (um. No.)

10. Bungee jumped (are you crazy?!)

11. Visited Paris (does Paris, Ontario count?)

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (on a lake, yes, sea, no)

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise (ah, yes. I call it high school)

14. Seen the Northern Lights (a billion times)

15. Gone to a huge sports game (I've been to one Oilers game. Regular season)

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa (I'll need to work out first)

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (I can't grow dirt)

18. Touched an iceberg (walked on a glacier)

19. Slept under the stars (of course)

20. Changed a baby’s diaper (is this one supposed to be a big deal? really? there are people who haven't done this?)

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon (see bungee jump answer)

22. Watched a meteor shower (a few times)

23. Gotten drunk on champagne (Yes, my wedding shower. We were bowling and drinking really cheap champagne provided by the bowling ally. I don't remember much, but at one point we got kicked out of a casino.)

24. Given more than you can afford to charity (no)

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope (yes)

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (I'm not sure I've been in enough 'worst possible moments' to answer this one. Stay tuned)

27. Had a food fight (yes, with watermelon)

28. Bet on a winning horse (no, dammit. My mom used to own a racehorse, and I always bet on him out of loyalty. Turned out he ran slightly sideaways, so the bugger never won. It was fun hanging with the jockies, though)

29. Asked out a stranger (Yes, a hockey player I met in a bar. It didn't work out)

30. Had a snowball fight (duh. I'm in Canada)

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can (ask my kids, lol)

32. Held a lamb (yes, at a petting zoo)

33. Seen a total eclipse (yes)

34. Ridden a roller coaster (unfortunately, yes. A few. The worst one had 3 loops. I hate rollercoasters)

35. Hit a home run (HA! I mean, um, no)

36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (SEE ANSWER HERE)

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day ( I tried to on International Talk Like a Pirate Day, but I totally sucked at it. Maybe this year!)

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment (Argggh! I mean AYE! See, I can talk pirate)

39. Had two hard drives for your computer (I have 2 computers)

40. Visited all 50 states (I've been to about 30)

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk (you should meet my family)

42. Had amazing friends (A few)

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country (well, some guy in Tijauna once grabbed me and started trying to waltz. It was a bit creepy)

44. Watched wild whales (in the distance))

45. Stolen a sign (shhhh. Yes)

46. Backpacked in Europe (no)

47. Taken a road-trip (all the time)

48. Gone rock climbing (yes, but I didn't get far)

49. Midnight walk on the beach (I was on a beach, it was around midnight, but define 'walking')

50. Gone sky diving (see answers 10 and 21)

51. Visited Ireland (oh, sure, rub it in. No.)

52. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love (now that you mention, probably)

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them (no, but I would if they were interesting. But I also like eating in restaurants alone.)

....Ya, I know everyone else is just highlighting what they have done. I know. But I just wouldn't be me if I didn't babble, babble, babble. I'm like those annoying people on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' that couldn't just answer, they had to explain WHY they were choosing that answer.....

54. Visited Japan (no, but I've been to Banff)

55. Milked a cow (tried to)

56. Alphabetized your cds (I only own about 5, so I suppose they could accidently fall into order that way)

57. Pretended to be a superhero (when I was FIVE. My best friend Matt always made me be Superwoman, though, just because I was a girl. Stupid boys.)

58. Sung karaoke (Unfortunately for everyone in the bar, yes.)

59. Lounged around in bed all day (duh)

60. Posed nude in front of strangers (good heavens, NO!)

61. Gone scuba diving (no. no interest)

62. Kissed in the rain (probably)

63. Played in the mud (all the time. love mud)

64. Played in the rain (all the time. love rain)

65. Gone to a drive-in theater (long, long time ago. I believe I saw Gremlins there)

66. Visited the Great Wall of China (Nope)

67. Started a business (a few)

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken (well, I'm assuming I can count my marriage. Unless he's not just away for work. We'll see)

69. Toured ancient sites (Does Beverly Hills count?)

70. Taken a martial arts class (did some Tai Chi in high school gym class)

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight (never played it. Sorry, nerds)

72. Gotten married (duh)

73. Been in a movie (not yet!)

74. Crashed a party (probably)

75. Gotten divorced (nope)

76. Gone without food for 5 days (what? why would I do that?)

77. Made cookies from scratch (of course)

78. Won first prize in a costume contest (YES! I was the bride of Frankenstein. I won a big giant bottle of Canadian Club whisky. Got very very drunk)

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice (again with the rubbing it in. No)

80. Gotten a tattoo (no, but it's in the planning stages)

81. Rafted the Snake River (if I won't bungee or sky dive, or scuba or ride in a balloon....well, what do YOU think my thoughts on rafting might be?)

82. Been on television news programs as an “expert” (hmm. No. Not yet)

83. Got flowers for no reason (probably)

84. Performed on stage (Elementry school Christmas play. I was an elf. After that, I was always part of the stage crew)

85. Been to Las Vegas (plenty of times)

86. Recorded music (not on purpose)

87. Eaten shark (no, but I suppose it's better than the other way around! Ha!)

88. Had a one-night stand (I'm pleading the fifth)

89. Gone to Thailand (no, but I watched Brokedown Palace last night)

90. Bought a house (yes, I'm sitting in it)

91. Been in a combat zone (no)

92. Buried one of your parents (no, knock on wood)

93. Been on a cruise ship (sigh, no)

94. Spoken more than one language fluently (piglatin?)

95. Performed in Rocky Horror. (On'tday Ebay Illysay)

96. Raised children. (well, they ain't raised yet!)

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (I only own 5 cd's. How much of a fan can I be?)

98. Created and named your own constellation of stars (How would one go about creating a constellation? Aren't they already there?)

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country (I biked to Tim Horton's on an army base)

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over (well, with the Army, yes)

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge (I think I just ranted about this....I was sleeping when we drove over it....twice)

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking (why would I care who's looking?)

103. Had plastic surgery (no, but I could use some botox)

104. Survived an illness that you shouldn’t have survived (does motherhood count?)

105. Wrote articles for a large publication (to be seen...)

106. Lost over 100 pounds (at once, or over a lifetime?)

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback ( a flashback? no. a bad acid trip, yes.)

108. Piloted an airplane (no)

109. Petted a stingray (why?)

110. Broken someone’s heart (only a few.....hundred! ha! just kidding)

111. Helped an animal give birth (no. ew)

112. Won money on a T.V. game show (no, just on the radio)

113. Broken a bone (my nose. more drunken dancing)

114. Gone on an African photo safari (I've been to the zoo)

115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced (eeep. no)

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (no thanks)

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild (I hate mushrooms)

118. Ridden a horse (yes, and it was scary)

119. Had major surgery (not major, no)

120. Had a snake as a pet (no)

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (yes, and it was scary)

122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours (probably)

123. Visited more foreign countries than Canada (wait. I'm in Canada. DOes that mean the US and Mexico count?)

124. Visited all 7 continents (no)

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days (no)

126. Eaten kangaroo meat (don't they make dog food out of kangaroo?)

127. Eaten sushi (ick, no, but I've been to Banff)

128. Had your picture in the newspaper (yes. my baby book is all newspaper clipping of me and my sisters)

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about (yes, but it's political, and we don't talk politics around this blog)

130. Gone back to school (yes, and I kicked ass)

131. Parasailed (am I sounding like the adventuress type?)

.....Who in the Hell thought up 150 of these damn things????.....

132. Petted a cockroach (why?)

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (yes, yummy)

134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey (no)

135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read (Charles Dickons)

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (Hell no, that's what grocery stores are for)

137. Skipped all your school reunions ( I haven't been invited to any. I wonder what that means)

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (I live next door to Quebec and don't speak french. So, ya, a few times)

139. Been elected to public office (I lost the election for school treasurer in grade five. Thanks for reminding me)

140. Written your own computer language (what? no. Who's done that?)

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream (do nightmares count? Just kidding. Yes)

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care (no, knock on wood)

143. Built your own PC from parts (no, that's what Staples is for)

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you (yes, and I want it back)

145. Had a booth at a street fair (no, I'm too busy shopping the street fairs)

146: Dyed your hair (yesterday)

147: Been a DJ (no)

148: Shaved your head (HEll no!)

149: Caused a car accident (Well.....there was a time when I was a super cute and skinny little thing, and I knew it. I used to dress in my little Daisy Duke style cut-offs and walk down the street, just to turn heads. What? I was 16. So sue me. One time, a guy on a motorcyle was paying too much attention to my ass and not enough to the road. So he crashed into a car. But nobody was hurt.)

150: Saved someone’s life (no, but who knows when I may need to)

How many of you read it all? Really? You didn't just skip a few? Come on. Heck, I barely read it all, and I was writing it.

The Edge of the Shawl

So, even though the actual pattern isn't mine, I guess I can at least tell ya'll (by request of Jana) how I did the edging (it's also a great excuse to use the photo I photoshopped for use in the pattern that I can no longer publish. Isn't it pretty?). The original plan was to do the fringe, but I totally ran out of time and finished the edging about 20 minutes before the wedding while sitting on the bed in my hotel room. And there was no time for frogging, either, so I was really happy how it turned out without even trying.

Please keep in mind that I made my shawl SLIGHTLY different that the one I accidently copied (
THIS ONE), since I wasn't using the pattern. You would maybe have to adjust or improvise a little. But, here is what I did:

Edgeing row 1:
Ch 5, 1 trc in 1st trc, [1 trc, ch 3, 1 trc] all in next trc, skip 2 trc,* [1 trc, ch 3, 1 trc] all in next trc, skip 2 trc, repeat from * until center chain space, [1 trc, ch3, 1 trc, ch3, 1 trc, ch 3, 1 trc] all in center space, skip 2 trc, continue repeating from * until end of row, turn.

Edgeing row 2:
Ch 3, 4 trc into 1st ch 3 space, 1 sc into top of next trc, * 5 trc all in next ch 3 space, 1 sc into top of next trc, repeat from * until end of row. Fasten off.

Yup. It's that easy.

Oh, and I AM working on another shawl. It's a bit different than this one. You'll see.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


Ok.....I just found a shawl pattern almost exactly like my drunken wedding dancing shawl. I don't remember seeing it before, but I must have at some point. So, even though the pattern was available for all of one hour, I have removed it from this blog. If you would like to see the pattern it is like, click here. I used Bernat Oatmeal worsted weight, and the edging was different as I didn't have time for fringe.

So. Ya. Sorry 'bout that. I'm kinda bummed. I thought I was being so original. I think I will have to work on another shawl pattern, now, just so I can write something up for ya'll.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Virtual Tara

Hi There. I'm Virtual Tara. Nice to meet you all. I'm almost exactly like Real Life Tara.....but better.

For instance, I'm a lot smarter. And funnier. And cuter. And I'm obviously skinnier. I'm just much more adept at Carmen Electra's Striptease Aerobics, I suppose.

Oh, and I can sing. RL Tara can't sing to save her life. But I can't sing everything. Just songs by the Beatles. And the whistling part to 'Sitting On the Dock of the Bay'. I'm a great whistler.

I can also knit a lot better than RL Tara. She can't even finish one little legwarmer in stockinette, with no color changes, without screwing it up. What a nerd.

We are pretty even in the crochet department. I have more time to crochet, though, what with not having my kids running around me all the time. I have a nanny for that.

Did I mention I have a lot more money that RL Tara? No? Well, I do. Gobs and gobs of it. I have so much money, my team of maids spend half the day just looking for places to put all of my money.

The live-in cook also helps me free up some time. I usually spend it in Paris. Sometimes in London. Occasionally I pop over to Ireland, just to fondle all of their yarn, then I leave. They don't mind, as long as I stop trying to push my idea of breeding sheep that already have colored wool, so as to skip the dying process. But wouldn't that be a great idea?

I live in a great big house that is fully renovated. It does not require repairs. Ever. There is absolutely no reason at all for tools to be used. Ever. And my bathroom is HUGE.

My virtual husband is exactly the same as RL Tara's real life husband. The only difference is his job. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but that's only because it's so boring. I think he just sits around most of the day. There are no long trips away from home, no explosives, nothing at all making the KABOOM sound, nobody shooting in his general direction. Just sitting. All day long. Then, on the way home, he picks up a Tim Horton's coffee for me.

As you can obviously see, I am in SO many ways much better than the Tara you are used to. Don't worry. I'm not here to take over her blog. She needs it, the poor thing. But I may pop in once in a while. Ya know, to tell ya'll about how great I am. Okay? Okay.

(I, Real Life Tara, drew Virtual Tara myself, but she was inspired by the art of 6Teen, a cartoon my kids watch. Just so you didn't think I was trying to sneak that little plagiarism by ya'll.)

Monday, July 10, 2006

The Walmart Rant

Big Store Bag

~Why do they have at least eight thousand carts, and only ten baskets for the shoppers to utilize? We don't all go there to buy large items, like dressers and patio sets. Sometimes we just want some yarn, or a can of coffee, or maybe some Robax. Little things. Not big. And we don't always have kids with us, that need to be secured in the little rolling cages. As soon as the store gets even slightly busy, it turns into bumper carts. Wouldn't it make sense to have more baskets, so people could use them instead of blocking all of the aisles? Or is that the evil plan? To trap us all inside the Walmart. Do you think they hire those obnoxious people that park their carts right in the path of traffic while browsing through the 'Buy any 10 DVDs for $2.00' bin?

~I'm positive the Walmart training manual for cashiers has an entire chapter on how to handle credit cards in which the signature has worn off. Because as long as the signature is on the card, they barely look at it. Or you, for that matter. You could be anyone. The card could say Paris Hilton on it, and they wouldn't even notice. But, Heaven forbid your card's little signature stripe on the back is missing. In that case, according to the manual, they must make an 'Oh!' noise, and then request your driver's license or something else with a signature on it. But not in a polite way. That would be against store policy. They must treat you as if you just rolled some old lady out in front of the store for her credit card and bag of cat litter. After producing said drivers license, they will look at the license, then at you, then at the license, then you, then the license, then the signature on the license, then you, then the signature on the slip you just signed in front of them, then the photo on the license again. When this process has been repeated enough times that everyone in line behind you thinks you have just robbed a bank and the cashier is just stalling until the cops get there, she will then say 'Oooookay', making sure to have a disdainful and suspicious look on her face. Because I really stole a credit card so I could buy eight dollars worth of Red Heart yarn.

~The menswear department has an awful lot of PINK clothing in it lately. Did I miss something? When did the boys start wearing pink? And why would they? I know it's very sexist of me, but men should not wear pink. It's wrong. It's unmanly, and it's wrong. Hello....the eighties called. They want their Don Johnson wannabe fashions back. So they can lock them up and KEEP them in the eighties.

~The pet fish department should be renamed 'Where Fish Go to Die.' I'm just saying. Ick.

~I can buy darn near everything at Walmart. Lawnmowers, laminate floors, big screen TVs, giant jars of dill pickles, fake fruit, bows and arrows, fishnet stockings, etc, etc, etc. Can I find the color of yarn I want, though? Ever? Just once? No. Apparently not.

No Title. Sorry. Too Much Effort.

Wow. What a great response to Friend of a Friend Friday! I'll be busy all week checking out the new blogs.

The most interesting part (if by interesting I mean slightly creepy, but not TOO creepy), is how many of you that have been stalking me, I've been stalking right back! I met a boyfriend that way, once. We lived in the same apartment building. We both stalked each other's every movement for months before actually talking to each other. When we both confessed about the, ya know, stalking, we laughed and laughed. It was all very sweet.... Until he slept with my sister.

If I catch any of my lurkers with my sister.......well, I can't be responsible for my actions. I'm just saying.

And, now that my neck is FINALLY feeling better, it seems I have injured my back. Dammit. I'm only 30. What's next? A broken hip?

Regardless of protestations from my back, it is cleaning day today. Because Hubby, as much as I love him, is a strew-abouter. And, he is away. So, while he is away, I can get the house sparkling clean, and not see any of the following strewn about:

~ Flyers. I hate flyers. Why are there so many? I don't need them. I'll be at the store anyway. Hubby.....loves the flyers. They actually put him in a good mood. But when he's done reading them.....strewn about.

~ Army stuff. And by stuff, I cover a wide range of things. Uniforms, boots, backpacks, contents of backpacks, military paperwork, little notebooks, multitools, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.

~ Tools. Because to fix ANYTHING in the house, no matter how small, every single tool and building supply in his possession is required. And then it must sit in my hallway. Or dining room. Or kitchen. Or bathroom. Seriously. There are 6 lengths of quarter round in my bathroom. Not to be used in there. It was just a place to put them.

So, for at least the length of his trip, I can be free of these items strewn about. And then I will only have to concern myself with toys, games, dirty clothes, yarn, coffee cups, shoes, etc, etc, etc, strewn about. But at least it's less.

Also, when hubby leaves for his longer trips (more than 3 or 4 nights), I don't sleep. Lack of sleep tends to make me thinks up stupid things to make. This time has been no exception. So....ummm......ta da.

No idea what I'm going to do with it. But, ya know, I'm a big fat show off. Which means that even the stupid sleep deprivation creations will make it to my blog. You should see what I come up with when he goes to Afghanistan. :)

Friday, July 07, 2006

Friend of a Friend Friday :The Lurkers

I've noticed a lot of new faces on my comments lately. And that's GREAT! Welcome! I'm so glad to see ya'll here and to find new and fun blogs to read. It makes me wonder just how many lurkers are out there. Twelve? A Billion? Who knows?

So, for today's Friend of a Friend Friday, I'd like some of my lurkers, who have never posted before, to come forward. Just say hey. Because ya'll found my site somehow, and likely it was through a link from someone else. Just like I get all of my friend of a friend links.

Come on. Don't be shy. I know, I'm not the best advocate for de-lurking. I'm a lurker through and through. But don't use me as an example. If I went and jumped off the CN Tower, would ya'll jump too?
(What? I'm in Canada. The CN Tower is closer. I'm not going all the way to San Francisco to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Although, I have driven over it. Or rather, I've been in a car that has driven over it. Twice, actually. And I was sleeping both times. That kinda cheesed me off, since I almost NEVER sleep on a road trip, and I am all about seeing the cool sights. What the hell was I talking about again????)

So. Anyway. Ahem. Lurkers.....come forth. Promote yourselves. I dare you.

Everyone else, go visit the recently de-lurked.

Oh, and go visit my tenant, too. Thumbnail in the sidebar. Click it.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Striptease ~ Not Just For Skinny Girls Anymore

I had stated at the end of my last post that I am planning to take long walks. Ya know. To make with the skinny.

But, that plan died a very quick and scary death. Due to a dog. A dog that belongs to my neighbor across the street. A dog that is a large and not fully trained rottweiler. A dog that is in a yard with a 2 foot high bar acting as a fence and absolutely no gate at all. And apparently no owner in the vicinity to stop it from running towards me and growling loudly and SCARING THE CRAP OUT OUT OF ME, sending me running back home in fear after barely walking to the end of my driveway.

Now, I have a scary looking dog. And I get annoyed with people who get scared of him if he barks a bit when they are walking by. But that's because he is never outside for longer than a pee unless someone is with him. And, he doesn't growl at people, he issues a friendly little Hello bark. Sure, it's a deep bark, but just a bark. AND, he's behind a fence. A four and half foot high fence. With an extra length of farm fencing in the areas where he used to squirm under. And a GATE. Which all may act to make him look even scarier, as if we are protecting the general public from a viscous animal bent on tearing all of their throats out, but really is there to protect him from the idiots that would hurt him because of his scary looks. Because, in reality, he gets beat up by a cat. A clawless cat. Daily.

But, I digress.

Since Plan Go-For-A-Long-Walk-And-Don't-Come-Back-Until-I-Fit-In-Last-Years-Jeans has been kiboshed, I've moved on to Plan B.


Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease! You want to make your husbands eyeballs bug out? Come home from a yarn shopping trip with THIS workout video. And inform him that as you get better, and move on to other videos, you get to learn how to lapdance. And then remind him that he will be away working all summer, and won't be able to witness said workout. Awwwwwww.

He asked me (in his smartass way) if I was going to crochet something to wear while learning how to strip. I said, Yes, legwarmers! He gave me a funny a look and asked me if I was serious. What the Hell did he think I was going to crochet????? Tear-away pants?????

I have since started and stopped 3 different legwarmers. I will eventually finish them and write out the pattern (aren't I always promising that), but I need to stop crocheting for a few days. My neck is on the very edge of being healed enough to start stripping, but crocheting tends to tighten it all up again.

But, that's what EBAY is for! I'm thinking of these ones. And I'm TOTALLY going to have to find a sweatshirt so I can do the Flashdance look. And, just a warning: If you plan to do a Google image search to research what a nice tasteful stripping outfit may look like, I suggest making sure the 'safe search' is turned on.

Has anyone else tried this striptease workout? Did it work? Come on, you can tell me. It's just you, me and the world wide web here.

As for the wedding shawl....there's a whole other story about the creation of that shawl. Which I will tell ya'll soon. And if I can figure it out, have a pattern for you, too. No really, I promise.